


Peaceful Family

by SilverMidnight



Series: Deeks/Callen [11]
Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Angst, Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-10-09 01:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17397650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMidnight/pseuds/SilverMidnight
Summary: When Nell goes missing Deeks and Callen are called into OPS to help get their family back.





	1. Mission Control

**Author's Note:**

> I was asked what it would be like if Callen and Deeks were called in on a case after Callen retired. This is how it would go down.
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Shaking his head in amusement Deeks watched as Isabelle helped Wesley off of the ground once more brushing the grass and dirt from his hair. They had been in the backyard since after breakfast that morning playing around.

He wasn't really sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way Isabelle had developed a love of football. It had gotten to the point that Hetty had gotten her tickets to the teens favorite team whenever they played near them. He should probably remember what team that was.

At the moment though it was off season and that meant that she was bored. Or she was bored until Wesley had decided to ask her about the game. Now she was attempting to teach her little brother how to play. So far it was not going well.

Wesley had always been clumsy and playing football did not do anything to change that. Not that he was letting that stop him. Every time he fell down he jumped back to his feet ready to go again the smile and determination never leaving his face.

Both Callen and himself were proud of the little boy for never letting anything slow him down, but Deeks had already gone and gotten the first aid kit. There was no chance that Wesley wasn't going to need at least five band-aids by the time they were done. Even from his spot in the kitchen he could see that at the very least his elbow was bleeding.

It was surprisingly hard to Deeks to simply watch his children play around like that. He knew that if either of them were really hurt they'd instantly come and get either he or Callen, but still watching them fall and bleed made him want to wrap them in bubble wrap.

It was times like that where he questioned everything about being a parent. He job was to keep them safe, but at the same time he had to know when not to help them if they got hurt. How the hell was he supposed to know the difference?

The life that he led now was so strange. He had seen so much over the years and he knew better than most how to either avoid it or to fight it. Which was exactly what he wanted to do whenever he looked at his kids. If he could stop them from getting hurt shouldn't he?

The odd part though was the fact that it wasn't his years spent as a cop that he was pulling form. It was more everything that happened in his childhood and teen years. He had learned most of what he knew from that time in his life.

Deeks had never had the easiest life and those years had probably been some of the worst. He and Ray and gotten into more than their fair share of trouble. Most of which ended with them having to run away from cops so they didn't end up in jail.

That was his greatest fear if he was being honest. If Isabelle or Wesley were truly anything like him or Callen than they were all in trouble. The world wouldn't be able to handle it if they ended up like their parents.

Something that Kensi laughed at whenever he brought it up. Apparently she still loved watching him flounder about. Which wasn't all that surprising. That was exactly how their relationship had been since the very beginning.

Not to say that he didn't love it. After he lost his hearing and was forced to walk away from his job he had been afraid he was going to lose his friends. It wasn't as if he was worth anything to the team anymore.

That thought was quickly disproved when every last one of them refused to let him hide for long. He did not want to think of the person that he would be if they hadn't been there for him. That person would be horrid.

He probably should have known it before, but it wasn't until the explosion that he truly realized that the team was a family. He hadn't looked back since then and he thanked his lucky stars for all of them being together.

Smiling he turned from the window just as D.D. brushed against his side. Looking down he watched her go to the table his phone was laying on and sit down. The screen was lit up letting him know he had a new text message.

With a pat on the mutts head he picked up the phone and saw it was from Eric. The younger man loved to randomly text Deeks throughout the day. It was rarely about anything important, but it was nice knowing the man wanted him to hear whatever he was thinking.

The smile fell from his lips as he read the message over and over. It was so similar to the texts that he used to get from the man when he had been working, but that had been so long ago. There was no reason for him to get them now.

' _I think you got the wrong number there, buddy,'_ Deeks replied back his heart pounding in his chest.

The last time Deeks had set foot in OPS had been the day of the explosion. He could still remember what it looked like clearly. At least what it used to look like. It had been sixteen years. Had they changed it around?

After everything happened he hadn't gone back. It wasn't even that he couldn't go back. Hetty and everyone on the team would have been more than happy to have to come and visit them. It wasn't as if it was a secret to him.

He couldn't do that though. He wasn't a part of that world anymore and he couldn't even pretend that it didn't hurt him to think that.. If he was truthful the thought of entering that building now still put him on edge.

Deeks had worked his ass off to move on from the life that he had once led. At least he had worked to move on from the anger and sadness and self-hatred that had threatened to consume him completely.

The idea that he might be asked to come back never even crossed his mind. He might still train with Kensi, Callen, and Sam, but that was more because that was more because it was something that they had always done together. It did not mean that he could fight at all.

' _No, I don't, Deeks,_ ' Eric replied almost instantly, ' _We need you and Callen to come into OPS right now. A car is already on the way with an agent that will take care of the kids while you're both here.'_

Deeks felt his stomach lurch as he spun around to look out the window. They were another reason that he had never thought much about returning to that life. His kids safety was the most important thing to him. They were already in enough danger he would never want to add more.

He could still remember back when Isabelle was a baby and Callen hadn't thought to tell him that people were after them. It didn't matter that she was thirteen now that pure fear was never going to leave him.

' _Eric,'_ Deeks wrote trying to ignore the way his hands shook slightly,  _'Are they in any danger?'_

' _I don't know,'_ the tech answered causing Deeks to lean against the counter so he didn't fall over,  _'That's why the agent is coming. We don't know how far this goes.'_

' _How far what goes? What's going on?'_

' _Nell's been taken.'_

Blinking slowly Deeks read over the message a few more times trying to take in the words that he was reading. The idea that Nell had been taken was wrong on so many levels. She wasn't even a full…Except that wasn't right.

Nell was the person that took over his position when he had to leave the team. She had stepped into the role perfectly according to Kensi. Which wasn't surprising; though it did put his mind a little at ease in the long run.

The woman had quickly become a part of their little family when she first started on the team. She had wormed her way into his heart and he thought of her as a little sister. If he was being honest, even with the knowledge she could take care of herself, he would have done anything to keep her safe.

The idea that someone had taken her made him angrier than he had felt in a long time. No one touched his family like that and got away with it. Not as long as he had something to say in the matter. And he had a say.

This wasn't just about the fact that Nell was like his little sister either. It was that she was family. She was the one that could always put a smile on Wesley's face when he was sad. She was the one that took Isabelle out on the city when she needed some girl time.

Nell meant a lot to his children. He knew that she was in a dangerous line of work and the chances of her getting hurt and even killed were quite high, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to put up one hell of a fight to keep her with them.

Patting his leg to call D.D. over he slipped his phone in his pocket and pulled on his jacket and shoes before going outside. Trying to keep the grim look off of his face he let out a whistle causing both children to look over at him.

"Hey, Dad," Isabelle signed running up to him a grin on her lips, "Did you see that? Wes is doing awesome! Well, outside of falling… a lot, but he always gets back up!"

"I did see," Deeks replied a forced smile coming to his lips before he motioned to the house, "Let's get you both cleaned up."

"Are we going somewhere?"

"No. Once Papa gets out of the shower he and I will be leaving and an agent will be coming."

Isabelle froze one feet off the ground her eyes going wide. It would have been a funny sight if it had been any other situation. Instead all it did was make Deeks want to forget that anything was going on in the world and lock the doors.

He had seen that look on both of his kids faces too many times in the past. Once they learned what Callen and everyone else did for a living it was impossible for them not to think about it whenever their Papa or their Uncle or their Aunt left the house.

It was a fear that couldn't be shaken. Not that anyone could truly blame them. The idea that their family was going out and putting themselves in dangerous situations that many already died from was horrible to say the least.

When Callen quit being an agent it was as if a weight had been lifted off of the kids. They were so happy that at least one person wasn't putting himself in danger. Especially when that person was their Papa.

Now Deeks was saying that not only was Callen going to be leaving but he was as well. He might work now, but that was being a lawyer, not an agent. They had never had to deal with thinking they were going to lose him too.

"Daddy?" Isabelle mouthed her hands falling to her sides.

Moving forward he wrapped the teen into a hug pressing a kiss to her forehead as she hugged him back. Normally she did not like so much hugging, but he knew she was too scared to really think of pulling away from him.

Just as he went to break the hug he felt another pair of arms wrap around him. Looking down he saw Wesley doing his best to hold onto both of them. Deeks couldn't help but smile as he placed a hand on the back of his sons neck and gave it a gentle squeeze making the boy look up with a smile.

Pulling away from the hug Wesley held his hand out for Deeks to take. Knowing that his son would attempt to pull him into the yard to play with them Deeks knelt down and picked the little boy up before heading inside.

Callen was walking into the kitchen looking as if he was ready to go back to sleep. Deeks felt his heart tighten at that. For the longest time he had believed that there was nothing that would pull his husband away from being an agent. That was how he lived and that would be how he died.

Then he did leave that life. He walked away from the only thing he had ever really known because his family had needed him. Deeks still couldn't get past that. Callen had picked them over being an agent.

He kind of felt like an ass for thinking it, but he had assumed that the other man would get bored and go back after a few months. Callen not being an agent made no sense in his mind. It was all the man had ever wanted to do.

It had been three years of his husband pretty much just helping come up with plans that other agents executed. Three odd but wonderful years of them being a family. Now the two of them were being pulled into a case and he had no idea what would happen.

"Isabelle," Deeks said looking at his daughter as he set Wesley on his feet, "Take your brother into the living room."

With a solemn nod of her head the teen took Wesley's hand and led him out of the room. By the time Deeks looked back at his husband Callen looked fully awake and like he was ready to fight anything that got in his way.

"Nell's missing," Deeks signed knowing it was better to lay all the cards out right then, "We're being called in."

"We? As in  _both_ of us?" Callen questioned his confusion clear.

"Yes. Don't bother asking me why I'm coming. Eric didn't say. All I know is that n agent will be here shortly to watch the kids."

"Are they…?"

"Eric doesn't think so but he's being cautious."

"I… Okay. Let's do this."


	2. Translation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent time on this anagram and I'm really hoping that it was worth it! Seriously this could very easily not be worth it.
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Licking his lips Callen looked over the space he once knew like the back of his hand. It had only been three years since he had spent any real time there, but it felt like so much longer. Somehow everything looked completely different.

Which was ridiculous. The whole place looked exactly the same as it always did. Sometimes things got moved around a bit, but there had never been a full rehaul of the area. Once upon a time that had brought him a level of comfort that he never looked far into.

At the moment in time it was just putting him on edge. That was a lie. Everything was getting to him at the moment. Which wasn't all that shocking considering he was there because Nell was missing. There was also the fact that Deeks was holding his hand so tightly he was starting to lose circulation.

Not that he could really blame the younger man. If he was having a hard time being there he couldn't imagine just how difficult it was for his husband. The least he could do was let him hold his hand. Anyway it wasn't as if he wasn't getting some comfort from it himself.

At the moment he wanted to have his husband close to him. If it was at all possible he would want his children there as well. They might be safer at home with an agent, but that didn't quiet the voice in his head saying no place was safer than between him and Deeks.

They needed to focus though. Nell was missing. As much as he loved Isabelle and Wesley and wanted them there he knew it would be a distraction that they couldn't afford. For everyone's sake both he and Deeks needed to be the agents that they used to be and not parents.

That was an odd thought to say the least. When he had walked away he had thought that it would be for good, not until they needed him again. Not that he blamed them or thought that they shouldn't have called. He had simply thought he was done.

After spending most of his life as an agent there was no doubt in his mind that he knew what he was doing. He wasn't going to lose that set of skills anytime soon. Especially since all of them still trained together. He was good.

A small prat of him was worried about Deeks. He was different than anyone else and it wasn't just because he was deaf. Callen had watched his husband over the years and knew he was still just as capable and smart as he always was.

The difference was his confidence. They hadn't even started yet and it was clear that Deeks had no faith in himself. That was the last thing they they needed. Getting stuck in ones head like that was never a good thing. Especially in the middle of a case.

This wasn't Deeks world anymore though. It hadn't been for a long time. While there was no doubt with Callen that the man could still fight just as well as he always could there was a lot of concern about everything else that came with it.

No matter what people thought of them it wasn't an easy life that an agent led. It wasn't all shooting and fighting that got them out of situations. It took a lot of thought and planning on the go if they didn't want to end up dead. Right now Deeks looked like he was going to shake out of his skin or take off running.

Callen had already started to try to think of way to get the man out of his head. Most of which involved some time in the gym. A good sparring session might be enough to get him on the right track again. At least he hoped it would.

"Mr. Callen," Hetty greeted walking up to them, "Mr. Deeks. I wish we could have you here under better circumstances."

"I doubt I'd be here if it wasn't a bad situation," Deeks jokingly signed though they all knew it was the truth, "Are there any leads yet?"

"Mr. Beale has found some surveillance videos that he believes might help. The team has just gone up to watch it."

With a nod of his head Deeks turned away from them and started upstairs. Callen couldn't help but sigh at that. He knew that the younger man was simply attempting to act as if he was okay. That was what he always did.

A voice in the back of his mind yelled at him to follow the man and see if he was okay. It was dangerous for Deeks to believe that he had to pretend that he was fine. They had already had to deal with that once.

"Keep an eye on him, Mr. Callen," Hetty said calmly, "He might not be in the right mind space to do this."

"Then why did you want him here?" Callen questioned in confusion.

"Because he will always be a part of the team and we need every hand on deck to get Miss Jones back. Now let's see what they've found."

With a nod of his head Callen followed Hetty up to OPS his mind already racing. When he heard that they were being called in he knew that it would not end well for any of them. He just had no clue what was awaiting them.

All he wanted was to get Nell back. She had become a huge part of their lives after the children were born. She was Auntie Nell. The last thing he wanted to have to do was explain to his kids that they couldn't save her.

Even with all of that in his mind he knew that it had nothing to do with the worry curling in his stomach. Something was going to happen. He had no idea what or when, but he felt as if they wouldn't get out of this unscathed.

"G," Sam greeted walking up to him when he got into the room.

"Hey," Callen muttered his eyes darting around the room before coming to a stop at a man he hadn't seen before.

Standing between Kensi and Deeks was a red-headed man about their age. He had a smirk on his lips as he slowly signed with the other two. It looked as if it had been more than a few years since he had used ASL.

It was then that he remembered Hetty telling him that she thought she had found someone that would work well on the team. The only problem was it would take awhile for him to join them since he was already in the middle of a case. It looked like he was finally free.

"Arlo Turk," Sam supplied knowing that the man needed some answers, "Got in this morning."

"Know anything yet?" Callen asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"Other than the fact he's been flirting with Deeks since he walked in?"

Blinking a few times Callen looked at the small group again and saw that Sam was right. The man was leaning too close to Deeks with a lazy smirk on his lips that couldn't be anything other than flirting. Did the guy really think flirting was a good idea now?

"Eric," Callen barked harsher than he meant to, "What do you have?"

Eric nodded his head putting the tablet in his hands down so he could sign as he talked. He waited a moment for Deeks to move so he could see everyone's hands and they could see his. It was the same thing they always did when they got in a group like this.

"Yesterday Nell went to observe Nikolai Graham," Eric started to explain, "She wasn't going to talk to him or anything like that. We're weren't even working that case. It was a favor for the FBI. All she was to do was just gather some information. She called to say that she had gotten some pictures that she wanted me too look into as well as something else."

"Something?" Sam questioned staring at the tech.

"She never finished her sentence. Her phone started going in and out before dropping altogether. That was the last I heard."

Running a hand over his face Callen stared at the screen reading over the little information that had been pulled up already. Eric hadn't been joking when he said that there wasn't anything there. Outside of a few pictures and things they thought he was involved in they had nothing.

"Eric," Kensi said pulling everyone's attention to her before reading Deeks signs for everyone once more, "Where did we even get this case from? Are we the first to have the case or did we get it from someone else?"

"No," Eric shook his head, "We got the case from the FBI. Graham had just gotten on their radar when they found out that he was in LA. We owed them a favor and they cashed it in. As soon as they found out that Nell had been taken though they handed the case over as soon as they could."

"FBI handed it over willingly?" Turk snorted looking around at everyone, "Since when do they do that?"

"Since they knew they wouldn't win the fight with one of our own on the line," Kensi practically growled out, "They're not stupid enough to think they'd get far."

"Also," Eric continued, "This isn't going to be an easy case. They've been trying to get anything on Graham for years. He's good."

"How good?" Sam questioned.

"With how difficult it is to get close to the man? Very. I don't know how but he seems to be five steps ahead of us already and I don't even know what board I'm supposed to be looking at!"

Staring at the younger man Callen watched as Deeks stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. It was the worst kept secret that Eric and Nell were dating and had been since he was still the one running the team.

"Come on, Eric," Deeks spoke aloud for the first time his voice soft, "Nell needs you to focus right now."

For a moment Callen was pulled away from the case. Every time he heard Deeks speak out loud he felt his heart speed up. It wasn't as if he didn't hear the man speak daily but that was to their kids. It was different than him talking to Eric.

He knew that Deeks wasn't a huge fan of talking now, but once upon a time that had been his favorite thing to do. He never used to shut up. It had always made him feel better when they came home after a long day and he could just hear his husband puttering around talking.

That was how he figured out that Deeks had feelings for him. He had learned a long time ago just how difficult it was to infuse emotions into ones voice if they didn't mean them. Tone meant everything in a conversation.

When Deeks had first started to learn how to talk like he used to it had been strange. He didn't sound anything like he used to. Isabelle and Wesley couldn't know the difference, but the rest of them knew exactly how soft and almost shy he sounded now. It had taken a lot to get used to.

"Mr. Beale," Hetty spoke up drawing attention to her, "You said you had a video."

With a nod of his head Eric gave Deeks a broken smile before picking up his tablet once more. Ocean blue eyes locked with Callen's across the room looking just as sad as the tech did. It took everything in him to remember that they were working and he couldn't just gather in the man in his arms.

"Callen," Eric said staring at him, "Can you translate for me?"

Nodding his head Callen moved to his husbands side. Deeks gave him a confused look before looking down at the older man's hands. A dark look flitted in the mans eyes before he sighed and schooled his features.

"Nell and I have made a little game of finding the surveillance cameras around the city," Eric began to explain, "It's a good way to spend time and it helps trying to figure out the most likely path a suspect is going to take."

"Is that what counts as fun around here?" Turk asked cocking and eyebrow.

"The wonder twins are a rare breed," Callen said out loud reading Deeks signs.

"Good to know."

"Anyway," Eric cut in, "She always joked that it would be a good way to send a message.

"How?" Kensi questioned crossing her arms over her chest.

"Different cameras have different letters and numbers. The system is completely random and only she and I know it. We were still perfecting it so we hadn't told anyone yet."

"You think she's used the system?"

"If she's still in her own car. I have to hope that's what she's doing. Look at this."

Eric began to pull up camera angles all of them showing Nell's car. There were no photos of the driver or passengers though. It was impossible for them to tell exactly who was in the car, but it was all they had at the moment.

"And the letters?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Umm..." Eric stuttered before pulling up a new document.

"Sparkier Meta Nene? Eric..."

"It means something! I just don't know what yet."

Hearing the techs voice break Callen let his hands drop to his side. For all the years that they had been friends he had never actually seen the younger man break like that. Based off everyone else's faces they hadn't seen it either.

"Eric," Kensi sighed taking a stop forward and wrapped the man in a hug, "We'll get her back."

"You don't know that," Eric muttered.

"Eric," Callen said turning fully to him, "This is Nell we're talking about. If there's one person that would send you a message like that it's her."

"It doesn't make any sense!"

"Then make it. She sent the message to you knowing you'd get it. Don't give up on her now."

The younger man straightened his back a serious look coming to his face as he nodded his head. Callen couldn't help but smile at that. That was the look that he was used to seeing. He just needed to be reminded that he was good at what he did.

Turning around he caught sight of the confused and hurt look on his husbands face. It took a second for him to figure out what had happened only for it to hit him like at ton of bricks. He had literally turned his back when his husband needed a translator.

"Marty-" he tried to apologize.

"Do you know where Graham is?" Sam questioned before he could say anything else.

"I already sent it to you and Callen," Eric answered not looking up from his work, "Just be careful. I don't know how he does it, but he could already know you're coming."


	3. Swing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why can't I just do one angsty thing at a time? I mean, Nell being kidnapped would have been enough right? I'm so mean to these characters sometimes.
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Snapping his hips forward Deeks watched as the punching bags swung harshly away from him. Normally he would let it slow down before he threw another, but he wasn't training at the moment. Instead he threw hit after hit trying to get rid of some of the anger that was threatening to take over.

It had been awhile since he had truly let that emotion be in the forefront. It wasn't as if he had a way to release it when he was a parent or a lawyer. Anger never helped in either of those situations so he forced himself to stay calm and work through it in productive, non-violent ways. Sometimes being an adult was horrible.

In the back of his mind he knew that anger wouldn't help him right now. They had too many things that they needed to be doing to finding Nell. Going out there and gathering any kind of information had to be their priority.

Except they only had two ideas at the moment. One of which was Eric sitting at his computer trying to decipher a code that might not even be a code. The other was Callen and Sam talking to their only suspect that probably already knew they were coming. He had nothing he could do.

Turns out that was still one of his least favorite things to do. Even when he was at home with the kids or in his office working on a case he was doing something. At no point in time did he ever really just sit there and let the world move around him. That wasn't who he was.

Right now though he had to sit still and wait for others to do their job so he could do his. Well, not sit still. More beat the living daylights out of a punching bag so he didn't love his temper at someone he cared about.

Kensi had attempted to get him to join her in the firing range at first, but he had needed something a little more physical. He needed to get his heart racing and zen out completely. The last thing he wanted to do was think about anything.

Of course, that was the last thing that was actually happening. The more he tried to focus on the bag the more his mind seemed to wonder. He was just so angry and hurt at the moment in time that he wanted to hurt someone specific. Not that he actually wanted to hit his husband. He was just done.

For the first time since he accepted that he was never going to hear again he was deaf. Which made no sense at all when he put it that way, but that was what it felt like. He was just deaf instead of Deeks.

That was actually what he was though. He was deaf. He had been deaf for sixteen years so far and that wasn't going to be changing any time soon. It was a part of who he was and no one had forgotten that he needed a little more help when a lot of people were talking.

At least they hadn't before. Callen had translated for him time and time again in the past. He was the go to translator whenever he truly needed one. Which usually meant that he had to suck up his pride and deal.

It would have been different if it was Kensi or Sam or anyone else. They didn't go out with him to eat dinner or go shopping and have to talk to people for him. Callen did. The man was his husband and he had turned away from him. He didn't drop his hands. Callen had literally turned his back to him.

A shaky breath left him as he forced back tears. Deeks had always been terrified that something like that would happen when he first lost his hearing. He knew that he was going to be moving a lot slower than he used to and that he'd be left in the dust.

He had spent night after night watching the front door waiting for Callen to walk back in and being terrified that he wasn't. It wouldn't be all that shocking if the man had decided to just give up on him altogether. He didn't sign up for any of it.

Callen didn't though. He stayed by his side even when he acted like a complete asshole. Deeks had no delusion about the person he had been when he first lost his hearing. It had taken a very large adjustment period that they luckily were able to get past.

Deeks counted his lucky stars that the older man was his husband. He loved Callen with all of his heart. The life they lived together now was better than any dream he had. He wouldn't give it up for all of the treasures in the world. Something that he knew Callen agreed with.

At least his head knew that. The second he turned his back on him though… It was stupid. He knew it was stupid. That didn't stop him from feeling as if it meant more than it did. He just hated that something so small threw him off his game so badly.

Dropping his hands down Deeks let his head rest against the bag as he tried to get his emotions under control. He was supposed to be focused on getting Nell back and not wondering exactly where his relationship with his husband was.

Not that it had gone anywhere. They were still the same people they were when they left the house earlier. He was just letting his mind get away from him and making up idiotic ideas that were slowly tearing his mind and his heart apart.

He had no idea how long he had been leaning there before he felt something hit the bag. Blinking a few times he lifted his head only to come face with Arlo. A lazy smirk played on his lips as he motioned to his hands.

"Done for the day?" the man signed slowly.

"Taking a break," Deeks replied making sure to keep his signs slower so the man didn't get confused, "Do you want to use it?"

"Wanted to know if you wanted to spar. Thought I'd get to know how the team fight styles."

"I'm not on the team."

"You wouldn't be here if that was true, Deeks. You might not work here, but you're still part of the team. Even I can see that."

A smile came to Deeks lips at that. He wasn't going to lie and say that it didn't make him feel good knowing that someone saw the connection the team had. Even if he wasn't technically there he liked knowing that he was still a part of the family they built.

"You're part of that now too," Deeks offered with a smile before motioning to the space around them, "This is your home too now."

"I just got here," Arlo denied with a shake of his head.

"It doesn't really work that way on this team. Especially since Hetty hand-picked us. You wouldn't be here if she didn't believe you wouldn't fit in. She'd never do anything to hurt the family she created."

The smirk on the mans face transformed into a real smile and Deeks couldn't help but smile in return. Something told him that he should take pride in being able to do that. Arlo didn't seem like the type to truly smile a lot.

"Deeks," Arlo started again after a moment, "Do you really think that we can get Nell back in one piece?"

"The one thing that you'll learn working on this team," Deeks replied with a smirk of his own, "Is that nothing is impossible. If we want it to be done than it will be done."

"That's what Hetty said."

Deeks couldn't help but shake his head at that. Of course Hetty would say something like that. It was a point of pride for all of them. There were only a handful of times that they didn't finish the case but they never gave up on those until they were completely solved. No matter what the cost. Even if it took them years.

"We don't know how to give up," Deeks offered in amusement.

"Good to know," Arlo smirked stepping forward, "I'm not good at giving up either."

"You'll fit right in then."

Deeks watched as the other man tossed his head back laughing. A smile came to his lips at the sight. He always loved being the person that made people laugh and smile. It was ridiculous, but it felt as if he hadn't done that in a long time.

That was one of the few things that he had put on the back burner when everything happened. All he ever wanted to do was make people happy. It was one of the reasons that he was the one that talked to children and victims. At least that was what he used to be.

He had always been a social person but the loss of his hearing had changed that. There weren't that many people that knew ASL. At least it wasn't an advertised thing. Which meant that he did his best not to show that he needed it a well. Sixteen years and he still wasn't confident in himself.

Deeks didn't realize that he had gotten lost in thought until he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. Looking up he saw Arlo staring at him in confusion and worry. He tried to smile at the man, but he simply looked more worried.

"Deeks," Arlo started.

"I'm okay," he offered taking a step back, "Just got lost in thought."

"It's okay if..."

"Really, Arlo. I'm fine."

The man didn't look pleased but after a moment he nodded his head. It was awkward after that and Deeks didn't know what to say. He really didn't want to think about why that was. It was just odd timing.

"You know you're the only one that calls me Arlo," the other man offered staring at him as he took a step closer to him.

"Oh?" Deeks questioned cocking his head to the side, "Is that okay? Or did you want to be called Turk?"

"No, it's fine. You can call me whatever you like."

A smile came to Deeks face before he noticed just how close the other man was standing. It took all of his training not to let it show how shocked he was. Arlo was flirting with him. Someone that wasn't his husband was flirting with him.

That was not something that he ever thought he'd have to deal with. It wasn't as if there were that many people that really wanted to be with someone that had as much baggage as he did. Anyway he was happy in his marriage.

He might be upset with Callen at the moment, but that didn't change how he felt about the man. He was still as in love with him as he had always been. Callen was the father of his children and he loved with him all of his heart.

Except he was flirting back. Thinking back he could see that Arlo was clearly flirting with him and he had been flirting back. What the hell was wrong with him? Why didn't he see what was going on sooner?

Alright, so it had been so long since he had been flirted with. Callen and he were married. Married people didn't flirt. They didn't have to. They were already in love and together. All of that stuff was for new relationships.

"Arlo," Deeks started knowing that he was going to be making things very awkward but also knowing there was no other choice, "You do know that Callen and I are married. Right?"

"You are?" the other man asked cocking looking genuinely shocked, "I never would have guessed that."

"Yeah. Seventeen years and two kids."

"Really? I guess I should probably stop trying to see if you're interested then. Too bad."

Deeks couldn't help the blush that came to his face at that. It was rather nice having someone show interest in him that way. At the same time though it reminded him of how long it had been since he and Callen had done anything together.

He couldn't even think of the last time they went out on a date together. First it was because Callen was working. He was rarely home that it didn't make any sense for them to do that. Spending the little time they had together as a family was much better.

After that it was because Deeks was the one that was working. Even though he came home every day they just didn't have the time. He had cases that needed attention and that left the rest of the time for Isabelle and Wesley. There wasn't time for just them.

"Sorry," Deeks finally offered forcing himself from his thoughts once more.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Arlo replied instantly, "You noticed I was flirting and told me you were married. Now we move on."

"That easy?"

"I like you, Deeks. I thought it would be nice dating you and that's not going to happen. Shockingly enough I still like you. So I'm going to aim for friendship instead. We're not in high school. I'm not going to freak out."

"Oh, please don't bring up high school."

"Your kids in high school?"

"My daughter, Isabelle, is thirteen."

"And your other kid?"

"Wesley. He's eight going on nine. Shit. I still need to plan his party. Callen still hasn't figured out how to do that. You'd think after three years he could plan one party."

"Three years?"

Deeks started to rise his hands to explain what had happened in the past only to freeze. Standing on the other side of the gym was Callen. The look on his face was one of pure confusion and Deeks couldn't help but look down and see that neither he or Arlo had taken a step back.

His heart picked up speed at the sight they must have made. They weren't touching or anything like that, but from where his husband was standing he knew that it didn't look as innocent as it was. Probably because it started off very not innocent.

Taking a step back Deeks raised his hands so he could sign some kind of explanation to his husband only for the other man to wave his hand at him. Blinking a few times he watched as his husband tiredly wiped a hand over his face. Something he only did when he had a lot on his mind. Like the case.

Deeks was being ridiculous again. Callen hadn't noticed that he and Arlo were standing close together, of course he hadn't. They had a case on hand and he had just talked to their prime suspect. There was no time, or reason, to talk about feelings that might or might not be there. There never was.

"OPS," Callen signed stiffly before turning to leave.

"I think they got something," Deeks told Arlo not paying attention to the ache in his chest.

"Here's hoping it's good," the agent replied with a shrug of his shoulders, "Let's go."


	4. On the Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know this is happening at the same time as Deeks and Arlo are talking in the gym. Can you tell what the theme of this story is?
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Staring at the passing scenery Callen let his mind wonder for a moment. It had been awhile since he had worked a case and he wanted to get in the right head space. Something that was more than a little difficult to do when they had nothing to go on.

In his lap was his phone with all the information that Eric had been able to gather on Nikolai Graham. The only real information they had was the fact that he was originally from Lyon, France, he graduated from one of the culinary institutes, and he currently owned a diner. That was it.

How was it possible that they had a list a mile long of crimes that they wanted to pin on him and quite literally nothing to link him to said crimes. At least nothing that mattered at the moment. Guess work was not going to help them at the moment.

There had to be away to get their eyes on him so they could take him down. It wasn't as if any of the were questioning the possible charges, but so far the only mistake he had made was kidnapping Nell. What were they supposed to do with that?

Callen knew that it wasn't even close to being the first time that they had gone up against the impossible. The better the team was the more difficult cases they had to solve. That was just how things worked.

He could admit though that they weren't at their best. Well, he wasn't at his best and he knew that Deeks would agree with him as well. They hadn't worked a case in years! With Nell's life on the line they couldn't afford to screw up.

Still sitting in the car with Sam felt like old times. He never realized just how much he missed having to spend time in a cramped car with the other man. Though that might have to do with the fact that it was actually quiet for once. Neither Isabelle nor Wesley were ever quiet.

Even as he thought that though he knew it wasn't right. He didn't want it to be quiet. The few times he was in the car alone he absolutely hated it. The life he led now wasn't quiet in any sense of the word. It was chaos.

When he was an agent though that was exactly how his life went. Not always when he was out on assignment, but the moments in-between. When he was in the office, the car, a hotel room, or basically anywhere a gun wasn't there was silence.

It was odd to think of how different those lives were. He had thought that getting back into the groove of being an agent wouldn't be all that difficult, but it felt like putting on an old pair of glasses. He could still see out of them, but it was warped.

None of the was really something he could sit about and think on. He wasn't back to being an agent because he missed it or something like that. He was there because Nell was missing and she needed her family. That was it.

And they were going to get her back. All of them had been through too much together to lose hope when it was needed the most. They just had to find an in with Graham. With how good the man was it wasn't going to be easiest thing to do.

"What are you thinking?" Sam questioned as he pulled to the side of the street and killed the engine.

"Wondering how we're supposed to get close to Graham," Callen replied looking at the building across of them, "This his diner?"

"Yeah. According to Eric he spends all of his time here. I've actually heard of this place. Kamran wanted to have her birthday here. Apparently they have the best ice cream cakes in the city."

"Why didn't you come?"

"Michelle convinced her that making ice cream cookie sandwiches at a slumber party would be more fun."

Callen couldn't help but shake his head at that. He remembered that birthday party. He and taken Wesley and Isabelle there for a little few hours while Deeks spent the day attempting to clean up the house. He still wasn't all that comfortable in large crowds like that. Especially if the crowd was mostly teenagers and kids running around screaming.

Falling into silence Callen focused solely on the diner. It didn't look like there were that many people inside, but as a couple left he could see the smiles on their faces and the bags in their hands. If the place was just a front it was a good one.

That was when he noticed the man standing in the window. It was clear to see based off his outfit that he worked there, but what caught his eye was the smirk playing on his lips as he lifted his hand motioning for them to come in.

"I think they know we're here," Sam snorted looking over at him.

"This not a good idea," Callen shook his head even as he moved to open the door.

"We don't have a choice. He has answers on Nell. Let's go."

Taking a deep breath Callen climbed out of the car following the other man inside. The waiter from the window was waiting for them with the door open and menus already in his hands. Sharing a look with Sam they followed him to a table and sat down.

"Mr. Graham," the man started in a thick French accent, "sends his regards. He had a phone call to make and shall be with you when he is done. In the mean time lunch is on him. Shall I start you with drinks?"

Knowing that they weren't going to get him to leave until they ordered something both of them got a cup of coffee. Watching as the man walked away Callen felt his heart drop. If Graham was so unconcerned about them being there that he was finishing his phone call then they were already onto a bad footing.

"He knows us," Sam sighed resting his elbows on the table.

"We knew there would be a chance," Callen replied shaking his head, "We already know that he's not afraid of us. There's a possibility that we're not going to get anything from him."

"He's the only person who has any idea about Nell."

"Maybe. We just have to find out what it was that she saw when she was here. It must have been big."

"Too bad we have no idea where exactly she was looking when she saw whatever it was. This place isn't exactly small, G."

Nodding his head Callen ran a hand over his face. They were so far from their comfort zone it wasn't funny. Even after all the years he had worked as an agent he rarely came across someone that knew who he was without him telling them.

If he was honest it was a slightly terrifying feeling. He had trained himself to hide in plain sight. If people knew who he was without him telling them he was already screwed. Something that meant all the more now that it wasn't just himself he was protecting.

This had always been the thing that scared him the most. Anytime he stopped and thought about how much danger the life he lead put his children in he felt as if he wanted to smack himself for being so selfish. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt his babies.

At the same time though it was addicting. Being an agent was pure adrenaline most of the time. It was impossible to suddenly leave that life. At least it was for the most part. He had been able to do it through pure force of will.

That wasn't to say it wasn't difficult. Though he never said it out loud he truly missed his job. Life with two kids wasn't easy, but it was a different kind of difficult from what he was used to. So very, very different.

Callen hated keeping that secret from his husband, but he knew Deeks. The man didn't believe that he could truly walk away from the life for good. He wasn't exactly wrong about that either. It took a lot of will-power to not call the team and get information daily.

He felt as if he was failing at every corner he turned. Not just his family either, but his team as well. If he wasn't there to protect them then what use was he? Sam might lead the team now but that didn't matter. He was the team leader whether he was there or not and he put his entire team at risk by not being there.

All of which was completely ridiculous. He knew from all the talks he had with Nate over the years that he was over-protective to a fault. It didn't matter that the team was in good hands that he trusted. They weren't his so he felt like it wasn't good enough.

"G?" Sam questioned staring at him.

"Doesn't matter," Callen sighed his eyes darting around the diner, "This isn't going to end well."

Sam stared at him for another moment looking as if he was going to push for answers. He knew that sometimes it was like pulling teeth to get him to talk about anything, but that would have to wait. They were working and their personal lives had to be put on hold.

"My apologizes," a voice rang out as a man walked up to their table, "I did not think you'd get here so early. Agents Callen and Hanna, correct?"

"Nikolai Graham," Sam said calmly as the new comer took a seat at the end of the table.

"I see we are on the same page. Have you ordered yet?"

"We didn't really come for pleasantries."

"That is disappointing. I just perfected these butternut squash tacos on the vegan menus. It is delicious."

"Mr. Graham..."

"Please, call me Nikolai."

"Nikolai," Callen cut in already finding the man annoying, "Do you know why we're here?"

A cocky smirk came to the mans lips as a waiter came and placed three cups of coffee down. It took a wave of Grahams hand before the waiter left to take care of a table on the other side of the diner It was then that he noticed that they were pretty far from others.

Even with Graham saying that he hadn't been expecting them everything else was pointing to something else. He knew exactly what was happening. The whole thing had been planned to a tee and they had no idea what was going to happen next.

It was odd, but it seemed almost as if everything had been rehearsed. Graham had not only been expecting them, but he had worked out exactly what he wanted to happen in the course of their conversation? No, that didn't make any sense. Right?

"Agent Callen?" Graham questioned sipping at his drink, "You look lost in thought. Is everything alright?"

"Do you know why we're here?" Callen repeated slightly more forcefully.

"Ah, yes, your visit. Well, I assume it has something to do with the young woman that was taking photographs yesterday. Am I wrong?"

Sharing a look with Sam Callen felt his stomach churn uncomfortably. If the man was so calm talking about Nell then there was a very large chance that they were already too late. It was the last thing that he wanted to think, but he also wasn't stupid enough to not see how dangerous the other man was.

"She's missing," Sam stated staring the man down, "Between here and our offices she vanished."

Graham leveled Sam with a cool look that Callen had no idea how to read. He didn't look all that shocked to find out that Nell had gone missing, but at the same time he didn't look like he was taking pride in it either. Something was off.

"Agent Jones," Graham nodded his head as he put his drink down, "I noticed her watching, but she never came in. I was going to offer her something to drink, but before I could as what she would like she drove off."

"Do you know why she was watching you?" Callen questioned trying to get some feel for the guy.

"I believe the same as the FBI was before. The always seemed to ask about my connection to drugs and weapons. They have it in their head that I am running a smuggling ring."

The way the man said those words were almost like a curse. He truly found the idea that he was running drugs and weapons disgusting. It wasn't the first time a suspect had tried to do that, but his reaction seemed genuine.

"And you deny that?" Sam asked sending a look to Callen.

"Of course!" Graham scoffed angrily, "The last thing I would ever do is sell weapons or drugs. It is a lowly life putting things like that on the street for innocent and foolish children to get caught in."

Callen had always prided himself on his ability to read people. He might not always know what the person was lying about but he was damn good at telling if someone was lying. Graham was hiding something, but he wasn't lying.

"I am sorry about your friend," Graham said finishing off his drink, "It must mean a lot to you if you bring an agent out of retirement."

"How do you know I'm retired?" Callen asked with a glare.

"With so many agencies believing I am someone I'm not I began to gather all the information I could. Though I must admit that I have no idea why you left, Agent Callen. You seemed to be a brilliant agent."

Callen felt his heart stop when the man said that. If Graham had no idea why he left then there was a chance that he had no clue who Deeks was. If he had no idea who Deeks was then there was really only one course of action left for them.

"Mr. Graham," Sam said standing up from the table causing the other two to stand as well, "I think that's all for now."

"If you're sure," the man smiled happily, "I look forward to your next visit. Maybe you'll sample some food."

The silence was awkward as Sam and he left the diner and got into the car. They both knew what the other was thinking but neither of them wanted to say it out loud. It was quite literally the last thing they wanted to do.

"Callen-" Sam tried to start.

"I know," he cut in with a sigh not bothering to look anywhere but out the window, "We have to send Deeks in."


	5. Isolation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is exactly what I wanted to do when I first started writing this story. Yup. This is exactly where I thought it would go to. *shifty eyes* (I have no idea what I'm doing. Prey I don't fuck this up!)
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Deeks shook his head as he watched Callen, Sam, and Hetty argue about something off in the corner. When he had been called up to OPS he had thought that there was something important going on. What he had not expected was sitting and watching as everyone else attempted to work something out.

He wanted to point out that there were things that he could be doing, but he honestly couldn't think of anything at the moment. He was quite literally useless to them at the moment in time. That was fun to think.

It wasn't as if he didn't know that he wasn't in his element anymore. Once upon a time he might have been a good cop, but that had been a long time ago and he had been able to hear back then. Now he had nothing going for him.

A part of him suddenly regretted how little he knew about computers. He might be a little better than the average person, but he was still so much slower than Eric that he would just get in the way trying to help him.

Once he had realized that he had prepared himself for sitting in the background looking at files and pictures. It was still important work, but it wasn't what he used to do. At least his mind would be too busy to think about any of it though.

What he hadn't really thought about was the possibility of him feeling like he was alone in a room full of people. It was as if they had forgotten about him altogether. Which wasn't something that happened very often. At least with his family.

At first he had tried to read their lips, but the only person facing him was Hetty. She made no attempt to try to hide what she was saying, she had even gone as far as catching his eyes every few sentences, but he hated trying to figure out a conversation without all the people facing him.

Still, he had caught more than one word. From what he had gathered they were talking about Graham and trying to find someone to send undercover. At least that was what he thought was being said. Both Sam and Callen looked too irritated for it to be that simple.

Deeks had focused on his husbands back after that. He had spent most of their relationship attempting to figure out how to read the man. It was not the easiest thing to do, but he could get it right most of the time. Like the fact he currently looked on the edge of frustration and resignation.

All in all, Deeks had a bad feeling. The whole thing was throwing everyone off of the game and they all knew it. If they had to do something that was stupid and possibly even a little suicidal than they'd do it to get Nell back.

Something that he was all too well aware of since he was the only person in the room. There was something bigger than he could see going on and since he was the only other person there it did not bode well for him.

That was made all the worse by the fact that he knew that something else was wrong. It wasn't difficult to figure out that Graham had known who Callen and Sam were. The man was too well equipped for them not to take seriously.

All of that meant that they couldn't send Eric or Kensi under either. It was too dangerous to use anyone on the team. Maybe they were talking about sending Arlo in? He was the newest and Graham might not know him just yet.

What Deeks couldn't figure out was why he was there. There wasn't really anything that he could be doing. Unless they wanted to have him do some research. Which wouldn't work since they were quite purposefully keeping him from the conversation.

A frustration that he hadn't felt since he was first learning sign filled him. Everyone had always done their best to make sure that he was a part of conversations. They had known how alone and isolated he felt and refused to let him fall to it. It was one of the reasons he hadn't gotten lost.

Standing there watching people that knew he couldn't hear them act like he wasn't there made him want to scream. It probably said something bad that he couldn't even remember the last time he screamed. He wasn't even sure the last time he raised his voice. Though he did know he attempted to.

Ever since Isabelle was born though he promised himself that he would use his voice with them. He could easily sign that he loved them as many times as he wanted, but he knew that sometimes the words had to be said aloud.

So he spoke out loud to them more often than not. He even attempted to raise his voice when he needed them to know he was serious. He didn't even yell though. He never wanted them to know what he sounded like when he was yelling.

Yelling was really all he wanted though. First Callen turned his back on him when he was translating and now he was being ignored. It made him feel like a complete outsider. Those people were supposed to be his family. They should know how it made him feel.

There was a part of him that wanted to simply leave the room. If they were going to stand there and leave him in the dark then he had absolutely nothing that he could be doing. It still felt like a waste of time to just stand there though.

Just as Deeks was beginning to think that that was exactly what he was going to do they finally turned their attention to him. For as much as he hadn't wanted to know what was going on having all eyes on him did not feel good.

"Mr. Deeks," Hetty signed with that soul-piercing gaze that she had, "We have run into a road block."

"Graham?" he signed back eyes darting up to Callen and Sam for a moment.

"It seems as if Mr. Graham knows who both Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna are. He even knows that Mr. Callen has retired."

"He does? That is not good, but I'm not seeing why I was brought here."

"You're here because he doesn't know why Mr. Callen retired."

Deeks stared at the woman in confusion before her meaning finally hit him. Shaking his head quickly he looked over at his husband only to see the resigned, yet firm look on his face. This is what they had been fighting about? Whether or not he should go undercover?

"You people are out of your mind!" Deeks signed moving away from them.

"Deeks-" Sam tried to start.

"No! I'm deaf. The last thing I can do is go undercover. I shouldn't even be here!"

"Deeks-"

Shaking his head he turned away from them and placed a hand over his heart. It felt like as if it was going to pound out of his chest. Closing his eyes he attempted to calm himself down, but it wasn't working.

Feeling as if the panic was about to take him over at any moment was not something he missed. As much as he hated to admit it once upon a time that was something that he felt almost everything single day. At least he was when he wasn't numb.

Deeks should have known that this was what would happen. As hard as he tried to put his old life behind him there were still things about it that he had just left back there. It wasn't as if he could do anything but move on from it. He hadn't thought that he would ever be back in OPS. Of course that's where he ended up.

Deeks had no idea how long he was focused on his breathing, but he had all but forgotten that he wasn't alone. Then he felt a hand rest on his back. Jumping he spun around and came face to face with his husband. Callen gave him a sad smile and opened his arms.

For a moment he stared at the invitation not sure if he wanted to take it. He didn't know if he really wanted to be held at the moment, but then he saw the mans face. Callen looked so worried that he couldn't help but step forward and let the man wrap him into a tight hug. It reminded him of one that he used to get from his husband long ago.

Deeks knew that he was stiffer than normal, but he truly didn't want to think too hard about that. Whatever was going on with him he knew that it had nothing to do with what was going on. It had to do with him and Callen, not the case. He had to focus.

The only problem with that was focusing on what was going on with the case reminded him of the other thing he was avoiding. He really shouldn't be standing in the middle of OPS! This was the last place that he should be.

He truly hated thinking about the place. It was a place that had once brought a lot of happiness, and for some reason, peace. He had loved his job more than anything. It had been such a large part of his life that it was hard to separate his personal life from his work life.

After he had lost his hearing he had spent so much time caught in his own thoughts. So many of them focused around being a cop and OPS. He had more than his fair share of nightmares surrounding the whole thing. The place that had been safe for him had quickly turned. After that he promised that he would never set foot in the building again.

Yet here he was. He hadn't really given a lot of thought when he was called in. All he had been able to think of was Nell. She had needed help and that pushed all of his thoughts and fear to the back of his mind. Nothing else had mattered.

Feeling hands wrap around his shoulders and push him back he moved willingly. When he was finally pushed back fully he saw Callen staring at him worriedly. Which, surprisingly, did not make him feel better about anything that was happening.

"Talk to me, Sunshine," Callen signed to him.

Deeks felt his heart speed up at the nickname. It felt as if he hadn't heard that nickname in years. Which was possible. It wasn't as if he and Callen talked all that much anymore. Both of them were far too busy to do that.

"I shouldn't be here," Deeks replied not even bothering to hide or lie.

"Deeks," Callen tried to start.

"No, you know I'm right, Callen. I shouldn't be here. I can't help you guys work a case. I can't help get Nell back."

"Deeks, you're the only one that can help."

Shaking his head once more Deeks looked past Callen at the plasma. Everything that Eric had been able to pull up on Graham was there along with pictures of the man and his associates. All he could focus on was the cocky smirk on the mans face. How he wished he could wipe it off.

"I can't do this job anymore, Callen," Deeks signed not bothering to look to see if his husband was paying attention, "I'm absolutely useless in this situation and we all know it."

Feeling a hand cup the side of his face he let his attention be dragged from the screen and back to Callen. The worried look had changed to something harder. It reminded him of the look that he used to get when they were working a case.

"Listen to me," Callen signed staring him down, "You are the only one that might be able to help get Nell back. Graham has no idea why I left which means it's possible he has no clue who you are. You're our last hope."

"Why me?" Deeks questioned shaking his head.

"Because you know how to do this and you know this team. We trust you."

"Someone else would be better. What about Arlo? He's new here."

"He's NCIS. He might had been on a mission for years, but he is still an agent."

"In case you forgot I worked here too."

"Yes you did, but that was years ago and you were LAPD. We know this is a long shot and it completely possible that we're way off base, but we have to try."

Deeks wanted to continue to argue, but he could hear the logic in the mans words. He really really hated that he was starting to see where the man was coming from. He wanted to know that he was doing everything he could to help Nell, but now that they had a real idea how to do so he was absolutely terrified.

"Callen," Deeks tried licking at his lips, "I don't know how to do this anymore. I can't think like a cop."

"Really?" Callen questioned cocking an eyebrow, "You really think that you can't think like a cop?"

"I can't."

"Isabelle and Wesley would disagree with that. As would all of your clients at the firm."

Blinking a few times Deeks thought about what the man said. He hadn't really thought all that much about it but Callen wasn't exactly wrong. It was a lot different than how he used to work, but being a parent and being a lawyer wasn't all the different from being a cop.

"That's different," Deeks shot back not sure if he truly believed the words.

"I know. Trust me I know. It's very different from being a parent or being a lawyer. There's nothing like being an investigator, but you have to know that you don't just lost it. You're mind still works the same way it always did. How you handle the situation now is the only thing that really changed."

"I can't-"

"Deeks..."

"Screw this up. I can't screw this up, Callen. If I mess up with the kids I have a chance to make it up and I have you to back me up. I have a team of people working at the firm with me. If I go undercover and I mess up then we lose Nell! I'd also be going in alone. I don't work alone like that anymore. I can't mess this up."

Callen stared at him for a moment before he reluctantly nodded his head. Deeks knew that he should feel better about finally getting his point across. Instead he felt his shoulders sag as the other man did the same. He hadn't meant to push that hard.

"I'm sorry," Deeks apologized after a moment, "I get why you guys think this is a good idea, but you have to see how bad I am for this mission."

"I really don't," Callen replied staring at him, "I know why you think so and I know that you don't feel comfortable, but I also know you can do this."

Deeks couldn't help but perk up at the light in the mans eyes. He knew that it was stupid of him, but he did like knowing that his husband thought so highly of him. It was actually one of the reason that he had said yes when the man asked him out in the first place.

He had always thought that people took him as a joke. Which wasn't all the shocking. Half the time he thought of himself as a joke. The idea of someone taking him seriously had been so wild to him that he hadn't really stopped to think when he said yes. He never regretted that decision.

"You really believe I can do this?" Deeks asked feeling a hope he hadn't thought he would.

"I really do," Callen offered with a smile.

"Then let's do this."


	6. Remembrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that it's taken me so long to post a new chapter! In good news though the story is complete outside of editing so I should be posting a lot faster!!
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Drumming his fingers against the desk Callen watched as Deeks worked with Eric and Kensi to figure out a good cover. It was such a familiar sight that he couldn't help the heartache that he felt. He hadn't realized just how much he missed the sight.

He could still remember the first time they had all started to get ready to go undercover without Deeks. Figuring out clothing and a back story was something that they all knew the younger man loved to do.

When they had the time, which wasn't often, he would put on random things and do different voices and names making them all laugh. If there was one thing that the man knew how to do it was how to make everyone laugh even in the toughest of situations.

So when he had first lost his hearing and had to leave they had lost that. All the stress relief that none of them wanted to admit him doing was just gone. Tensions were on high for all of them for more than one reason.

It had been an adjustment period for them all. They all knew that it was the hardest for Deeks, of course, but it hadn't exactly been the easiest for any of them to get used to a part of their family not being there anymore.

None of them had really known what to expect with Deeks being gone. It wasn't as if they hadn't functioned as a team without him, but it wasn't until he was there that they all started to feel as if they were a family.

For the longest time it was impossible to not realize that the man wasn't there. The number of times he, or anyone really, turned to talk to Deeks was not a number that he wanted to think about. No matter how much time seemed to pass though they all did it. Hell, there had even been a few times when Hetty made mistakenly tried to talk to him.

All of them had wanted Deeks deafness to be a nightmare. They had wanted the doctors to have been wrong and have him start to show signs of hearing again. It didn't matter to them how long it took as long as they got him back.

The man way such an important part of the team that him not being there had thrown everything up in the air. They had forgotten what it had been like to work without him there. It had not been a good time for any of them or any of their cases.

In the beginning Deeks hadn't wanted to to hear about their cases so he didn't know just how bad it had gotten, but it had been tough. There had even been a point where Director Vance had been talking about disbanding them altogether. Something that they all questioned if they should even fight against.

That wasn't even mentioning the amount and severity of the injuries that had happened during that time. All of them had ended up in the hospital more than once. They all had scars from things that never would have happened if Deeks had been there.

At first it had felt as if he had been the only one fighting to keep them all together. The idea that he was going to lose the family that he had built was one that terrified him to his core. He had no idea what person he'd be if it wasn't for all of them being there with him. That was a lie. He knew he'd be long dead.

If he was truthful, for awhile that was exactly how he had felt. With Deeks not there it seemed as if everything had changed. Eric and Nell tried to be their normal perky selves, but it was easy for all of them to see that it was fake. Sam was on edge and snapping at everyone and everything. And Kensi…

Out of all of them she had been the worst. While Callen was trying to hold it all together she had been self-destructing in ways they hadn't thought possible. Nate had said that she was suffering from survivors guilt. Something that was pushing her to do risky and frankly suicidal things.

The amount of times they had to pull her back from a thing she shouldn't have been doing in the first place was something that still haunted him. They had come so close to losing her as well on more than one occasion. It had been a terrifying time for all involved.

Callen still had no idea what had changed for her, but he would be forever grateful that she slowed down and started to act like the Kensi they all knew and loved. He was sure though that the change had come about because of something she and Deeks talked about.

That was the reason he was sitting at the desks instead of trying to help them. As soon as they were downstairs Kensi had waved him away and started to help Deeks herself. He had felt good knowing that the man he loved was in the good hands of his best friend so he left.

Anyway he knew better than most that sometimes the best thing a person could do was simply sit and watch. For the most part people said a lot more with their body language than they ever did with their words. He liked being able to simply watch and figure someone out for a moment.

With Deeks it was a little different. He was never quite sure what he was going to see with the man. It was a theme that had drawn him in before they started to date. The younger man could be rather unpredictable when he wanted to be or he used to be that way.

Callen couldn't believe just how much his husband had changed in the amount of time they knew each other. No, that wasn't right. He had known that Deeks wasn't like the man he was when they first got together. Having his hearing taken from him had changed him a lot. No one denied that.

What he hadn't realized was all the little things that had stopped too. The way he quit wanting to go to random food trucks to find new food. The way he would dance around the house whenever he decided to clean it. The way he would literally fall into bed every single night. All gone.

Those had been such fundamental things about his husband once upon a time. In the back of his mind could see why some of the things had stopped over the years, but the thing that always got him was the fact that he didn't think Deeks saw it.

Honestly he couldn't even say at that point if the man noticed or not. All it did was remind him that despite being married to Deeks and living with him Callen had still not bothered trying to get to know the person his husband was now. He might not be completely blind to the man Deeks now was, but he didn't know him either.

"Anything interesting?" Sam questioned walking up with Turk.

"Not yet," Callen replied not looking away from his husband.

"Having second thoughts?"

He couldn't help but snort at that. Of course he had been having second thoughts. Ever since they realized that their best bet would be Deeks his mind had been going back and forth on whether or not any of it was a good idea.

"He seems fine," Turk offered calmly.

Callen opened his mouth to make a sarcastic remark only to turn around and see the other man wasn't looking at him. His full attention was locked on Deeks. That was a sight that he was used to seeing though he really did not miss it.

Deeks was an attractive person. It wasn't that difficult to see. He could still remember having to glare people down when they went on dates. Honestly it had been a long time since he had to do that. Though he wasn't sure if that was because they stopped looking or if they just hadn't been on a date.

It seemed as if Turk had noticed the man though. Did he not know that Deeks was very much not on the market or did he simply not care? Callen didn't know the agent well enough to figure out what he was thinking at the moment.

"It's been awhile since he's had to do this," Callen said more heat in his voice than need be.

"You think we should find someone else?" Sam questioned crossing his arms over his chest, "I thought you were on board with this?"

"I am. This is the best plan we have. I just keep thinking..."

"He'll be fine," Turk cut in shrugging his shoulders.

Callen couldn't help but glare at the man. He was being completely too unconcerned with the whole thing. It was as if he didn't get just how much danger they were about to drop his husband into. Did he care so little about his fellow agents?

"Turk," Sam cautioned sending a look to Callen.

"I'm just saying that you guys are worrying over nothing," Turk continued as if nothing was wrong.

"Nothing?" Callen asked barely keeping the growl from his voice.

"He's perfectly fine. It might have been a long time since he last did this, but he knows what he's doing. He's got this."

All the anger fell out of him at that. Turk, a man that had just meet Deeks, had complete faith in him. He didn't look like he was wondering how this could go wrong or thinking that Deeks might back down at any moment. He just knew Deeks would be fine.

Callen couldn't help but feel a little guilty at that. Of course, he had faith in his husband but at the same time he had to be realistic, didn't he? This was no longer something that Deeks did a lot of. He wasn't an agent.

Except that was the opposite for what he had told the other man. He had just used the argument that Deeks still had all of his skills and that he used them daily. All of that was the reason the man had even agreed to go undercover in the first place.

What the hell was wrong with him? How could he tell his husband all of that and the forget it a moment later? He was supposed to have Deeks back no matter what. Not just because they were married either. Because they had been on the same team for so long. He knew Deeks.

So why was it Turk that seemed to have all the faith in him? Callen loved Deeks with all of his heart. He had never doubted that once. Maybe he wondered if they should still be together, but that wasn't because he didn't love him. It was because he loved him so much.

Hearing someone snort Callen shook his thoughts away in time to watch Turk walk to the small group. He couldn't see exactly what was said, but based off the smile that came to Deeks lips the agent must have signed something to them. It seemed as if the two of them were getting a long real well.

"They're friends," Callen muttered trying to ignore the way his heart twisted.

"Is that a bad thing?" Sam questioned leaning on the desk.

"No. Of course not.

"Good, because I don't think that's going to change anytime soon."

Sighing Callen watched as Deeks pouted while the others laughed. That was another sight he hadn't realized he missed. It had always been fun for all involved when they picked on Deeks. He had loved that attention mostly because he could dole out remarks faster than the rest of them.

When was the last time they did that? Hell, when was the last time they all hung out together? That should not be such a difficult question to answer. They practically saw each other every day. Right? That's how it had always been with them.

So why couldn't Callen remember? Sure, he and Sam talked and saw each other all the time and Deeks and Kensi were always texting each other, but that didn't really happen with everyone else. It was as if once he left they all just stopped. How could he have not seen that before?

"Callen?" Sam questioned pulling him from his thoughts.

"Things have changed," Callen said looking at his friends, "haven't they?"

"G-"

"Guys," Eric called out cutting the agent off, "We're ready."


	7. Character

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that it's taken me so long to post a new chapter! In good news though the story is complete outside of editing so I should be posting a lot faster!
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Taking a deep breath Deeks pushed open the door to the diner and made his way inside. He had no idea what he had been expecting, but he was surprised. The entire place was clean and put together like any high end restaurant he had ever been in. At the same time though it was easy to see just how relaxed and calm everybody was.

His mind started to work overtime as he looked around. Eric had pointed out that the diner was Grahams pride and joy. The way he had set everything up and the way his employees acted was going to say a lot about the type of person he was.

It was about ten in the morning so there weren't all that many people in the diner, but the ones that were had smiles on their faces. All of the patrons looked as if they were completely content with everything that was going on.

The people working looked about the same if he was honest. A woman was busing tables while a teenager came up behind her with a towel and bucket cleaning up anything that might have been left behind. They were making the whole place spotless.

In the back of his mind he knew that having a clean diner was a good way to get and keep costumers, but he had never seen a crew so actively doing so. They truly cared about the place that they were working at.

Which made sense if Graham truly cared about the business as much as Eric said he did. On the other hand though, if he was using the diner as a front than why did he care so much about it? Most people that Deeks had come across didn't care about the front as long as no one it didn't bring unwanted attention. Graham cared.

That thought made everything even harder to understand. Deeks had thought that he had gone seen it all. Being a cop for as long as he had he knew how to read people pretty well. Something in him was telling him that there was more to it than they were seeing.

Those thoughts did not bode well for them at all. At the moment they were all concerned about getting Nell back. She was their priority and he knew that. If he couldn't figure Graham out than the chances of getting her back safely were slim to none. He couldn't fail Nell.

Getting her home safely was the only thing that was running through his mind. Nell needed him to focus on his job and figure out what the hell was going on. He loved her way too much to let something slip through the cracks this time. There was nothing he wouldn't do to get her back. As long as he thought about that then he couldn't fail.

Not that that was the best way for him to be thinking. Yes, there was a lot riding on the case, but it was a case nonetheless. He needed to be doing the job he was brought in to do. That started with him going over the cover Eric made him. It wasn't the most difficult one that he had ever had to do, but he hadn't done something like it in a long time and he needed to be sure in what he was doing.

Well, that wasn't exactly true. One of the things that Wesley always loved more than anything was playing pretend. He could spend hours on end in his little fantasy world. Isabelle and Callen tried to keep up with him, but it wasn't the easiest thing to do so it became something just for them.

The worlds that boy could create were so in-depth and fun that he had to use all of the skills he had from being undercover. It might not be the same exact thing, but it was a point of pride for the both of them to not break character for as long as they could.

That was all he had to do now. His name was Liam Wright. He had been born deaf and now ran a blog online listing places that catered to the hearing impaired. It was simple and to the point. There was nothing else that he had to remember. There was nothing for him to worry about.

Yet that was not sticking in his brain. As much as he hated to admit it he was absolutely terrified. Something that he was starting to realize wasn't all that new. As odd as it seemed he could clearly picture having the same talk with himself all those years ago.

No matter how long he had been going undercover there was a sense of fear in him. How could he have forgotten that? He had been beating himself up for so long because he had let his fear rule him as if it was something new. He had always been a fearful person now that he thought about it.

Okay, so maybe 'fearful' wasn't the right word. He had always done his best to ignore the voice in his head telling him all the ways he could fail. That had just gotten harder when he could no longer drown it out with tv or music.

So much of his time was spent thinking of the negative outcome to everything. He knew in his mind that as long as he did his job and stayed focused on the task at hand that he could do nothing else. He hated the lack of control that brought.

His job was to be the one that keep people safe. He had to be someone that could look at someone and see through them. If he couldn't predict what someone was going to do in a specific situation than the chances of someone getting hurt skyrocketed.

The best way for him to keep up with everything that was thrown at him as a detective was to be highly aware of everything that could go wrong at any given moment. He had to be the one that stopped the bad from happening even if there was no way for him to stop it.

He had been horrible to himself because of those goals. How many times did he sit awake telling himself off for something that he hadn't seen until it was too late? How much time had he wasted yelling at himself instead of working through whatever he was feeling?

How was it just now that he was realizing that he was horrible at cutting himself some slack? For some ungodly reason he put the weight of everything on him and him alone. He had a team back than. He had a husband now. He wasn't alone. So why had he let himself fall so far if he wasn't alone?

It was odd how being undercover again was putting everything into perspective. He had thought that it would just reopen old wounds and make him question everything. Instead he felt like he was actually answering questions that had been in his mind for longer than he could imagine. He felt better.

A smile played on his face as he sat at a booth in the back and brought out a laptop ready to get to work. Typing in the site that Eric had created he looked around once more this time wondering if anyone knew who he was. The only person paying attention was the waiter walking to him.

The normal 'I'm dead inside' smile was on the mans lips as he began to say something. Instantly Deeks felt a little on guard. This man was acting so differently than the other workers. It might not mean much but he felt like he had to watch him closely.

Normally Deeks was good at reading lips but with the way the man kept turning his head paired with whatever accent it was he had Deeks had nothing. Giving an only slightly less fake smile himself Deeks held up a card that Eric had printed out for him.

He hated how his heart seemed to clench in his chest as the man took it. All it said was 'I'm deaf please speaks slowly', but it felt like the worst thing that he had ever had to do. Never before had he used something like that.

The waiter blinked a few times before handing the card back to him. Slower than before he began to go over the specials. Which was odd to him. What kind of diner had 'specials'? He had been right before. Graham truly cared about the place.

Nodding his head slowly he continued to watch the man speak as his hand reached over to pull his laptop closer to him while making sure the screen could easily be seen. The waiters eyes flickered to it for a moment before doing a double take.

It was clear that he knew exactly what he was seeing. Hopefully that meant that he would be going to see Graham and not trying to do it all on his own. This was supposed to be a way to get to talk to Graham or at least see him.

Ordering a cup of coffee Deeks took the menu from the waiter and turned to start to type something as the man walked away. Now all he had to so was wait. There was no rush as Arlo had reminded him. The longer he spent there the more chance he had of seeing Graham. Getting introduced to the man had to happen that day. They couldn't leave Nell in whatever hellhole she was in.

After a moment a shadow fell over the table. Looking up Deeks expected to see the waiter from before. Instead he came face to face with Graham himself. It took all of his control to continue to act as if he was Liam. Graham being there didn't mean he had been blown.

Offering the man a confused smile he nodded his head when Graham motioned to the other side of the booth. It felt like it was all just a game that the other man was playing. Things happened too quickly and smoothly to be real. Right? That was when Deeks noticed a notebook being pushed toward him.

The only word on the page was a simple hello though the writing was much nicer than he had seen in awhile. It seemed that everything about the man was fancy and formal. Him opening a diner made less and less sense with each passing moment.

"Hello," Deeks wrote back before pushing the notebook over.

"I am Nikolai Graham," came the reply, "Owner of the diner."

"Liam Wright."

"My waiter could not help but notice the screen on your laptop. You run a blog?"

Deeks heart calmed slightly at that. Graham had made it clear with Sam and Callen that he had no time to pretend that he didn't know what was going on. If he was talking about the blog than he didn't know who he was.

"Yes," Deeks offered writing quickly, "I have found that one of the hardest things for people who can't hear is finding places that let them feel safe and welcomed. I spent so much of my time hiding behind my parents when we were out in the world. Once they passed away though I found myself hiding in my home alone.

"It took me so long to gather the courage to join the real world once more. Then I ran into the problem of places that actually wanted my business. After finding a lot of places I didn't feel I belonged in I decided to start compiling a list and put it online. It just grew from there."

As Graham read that over Deeks couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed. He had known that all of that was his back story, but he hadn't expected to feel so raw after he wrote it down. It wasn't as if that was what he had gone through. Not fully at least.

He hadn't hidden behind his parents, but he wasn't completely sure he could say he hadn't hidden. Whenever he could he would stay at home and when he couldn't either his children or Callen stepped up to do things like order food for him.

There was a shame that he held about being deaf. No matter how much he fought or how many thing he did he always felt as if there was something wrong. He always felt as if he was less of a person than he used to be.

"That is a large responsibility you put on yourself," Graham wrote back after a moment breaking through his thoughts, "There must be some horrible places to go to if you worked so hard."

"Not really horrible," Deeks replied, "Not all of them. Some places simply aren't equipped to help the deaf community."

"And that brought you here?"

"Yes. My followers often times ask me to go places and evaluate them before they decide to go themselves. Your diner was on the list."

"I'm flattered."

"I wouldn't go that far. I haven't ordered yet."

"In that case would you mind a little company for your meal?"

"Will you be doing that for all your patrons or am I special?"

"You are definitely special, Mr. Wright. What are you looking at to eat?"

Deeks couldn't help the blush that heated his cheeks at the mans words. First Arlo and now Graham. What was going on with people? He hadn't been flirted with so much in years. Though, outside of work, he hadn't been really around all that many people in years either.

Licking his lips absentmindedly Deeks took hold of the menu once more. Over the menu he glanced at the other man happily staring at him. It was a little creepy but he simply smiled and looked away shyly. It wouldn't be that hard to flirt back a little with the man. With that in mind he reached for the notebook once more.

"What do you suggest?" he wrote a smile playing on his lips.

"That depends," Graham answered back eyes flickering up to him periodically, "Are you allergic to anything? Or is there something you dislike?"

"No on both counts."

"In that case one of my favorite meals is Chicken Marsala on fresh, handmade roasted garlic noodles. It comes with a spinach strawberry salad. I know it sounds odd, but the salad cuts through the richness of the chicken and brings out a hint of the sweetness with the strawberries working with the Marsala. It is truly wonderful."

His smile turned genuine at that explanation. Deeks had always loved watching people talk about their passions. There was nothing better to him then seeing their eyes light up as they lost themselves in their thoughts.

Suddenly it hit Deeks that the other man wasn't trying to be creepy or anything like that. He just loved the food and what he did. The diner was his life. He wanted everything to be perfect because of how much he loved it. This wasn't the type of person that would put all of that at risk.

"That sounds delicious," Deeks stated pushing the menu away, "You really know your stuff."

"I love food," Graham wrote back an almost peaceful smile on his lips, "It was something I bonded over with my Grandmother."

"You two must have been close."

"Surprisingly no. She died when I was quite young. I only have vague memories of her. When I got older though I found these notebooks from her. Every page had a new recipe as well as her thoughts and feelings. It was like reading a diary. I got to know her very well after that."

Smiling Deeks reached for the notebook to write something else as the waiter came over. He expected Graham to order for him since he had already said what he wanted, but that didn't happen. Instead he seemed to order for himself before motioning to Deeks.

He couldn't help but feel appreciative of that. While he wasn't the biggest fan of ordering his own food and usually had Callen or one of his kids do it for him he liked that Graham didn't do that. It wasn't his place to try to order for him.

Deeks knew that it was such a small thing and that he hadn't looked at a criminal like this in a long time, but it all seemed off. Everything that he was feeling and seeing pointed to there being something very wrong with the whole case. He couldn't put his finger on why he felt that way, but he knew something was being hidden.

Once the waiter turned and left Deeks looked back over at Graham. The smile was still on his face but there was a look in his eyes as they trailed after the waiter. There was something going on between the two of them and didn't look good.

"Can I ask you a question?" Deeks wrote hoping he wasn't about to reveal himself.

"Of course," Graham replied perking up instantly.

"Your waiter. He has an accent, right?"

"Yes. He is French, like me. How did you know?"

"Accents make people mouths form words differently. I know a few different ones, but I hadn't recognized his."

Graham stared at him for a moment before nodding his head and opening his mouth. It was a simple 'hello' but he felt himself smile at it. It had been awhile since he had a real conversation with someone that had nothing to do with work or his kids.

Something that he wanted to smack himself for. Graham was his work, not a friend. All he had to do was focus on making the man his 'friend' while making sure not to forget that all of it was fake. He couldn't let himself fall like that.

One of his first times undercover had ended badly because he had lead with his heart. He hated to think about it for more than one reason. Though it was mostly because he had gotten himself, two other officers, and three victims injured. All because he forgot to be a cop.

"Are you alright, Mr. Wright?" Graham questioned pushing the notebook to him.

"Liam," he wrote back sending a smile to him, "Please call me Liam."

"In that case call me Nikolai."

"Nikolai. I don't think I've met someone with that name before."

"It is an odd name."

"Maybe, but I like it."

Graham smiled widely at him a soft look on his face. Deeks felt as if he had finally started to get through to the man. He had truly wanted to get a friendship started with the man and it seemed as if that was what was happening and more.

Before either of them could say anything else the food finally came. He looked up to smile at the waiter only to freeze at the look on the mans face. His face was neutral, but there was pure anger in his eyes. All of which was focused on Graham who was looking at his plate.

Without a word being said the waiter gave him a closed lipped smile the glare still in his eyes as he left. For a moment everything felt awkward and Deeks had no idea what to say. Though he told himself to remember to ask Eric to look into the man.

"I'm sorry," came Grahams' next message.

"Your waiter doesn't seem to like me," Deeks offered trying to smile.

"James, yes, he has been my best friend for most of my life. He is very protective."

"Protective?"

"Yes, he was there for some things that were hard for me. I don't want to bring us down. Please, try the food and tell me what you think of it. I'd love to know."

Knowing that that part of the conversation was over Deeks dug into his food. He hadn't known exactly what to think of what he had ordered, but Graham had been right. It was probably one of the best things that he had eaten in awhile.

Graham looked as if he was going to burst with excitement when he wrote that down. Something that should not be nearly as cute as it was. Seeing the pure happiness on the mans face made him think all the more that they had been wrong. At least they had been wrong about some things.

He couldn't say that Graham wasn't involved at all, but he had a feeling that the man was just as lost as everyone else in figuring out what was going on. He was just a pawn being played by someone else. They just had to find out who.


	8. Explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was an emotional one and a little hard to write, but I love how it turned out and I hope you do too!
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Drumming his fingers against the steering wheel Callen glanced around making sure no cars were coming before turning onto his street. Under normal circumstances he would be happy to come home and be with his family. The only problem with that was the fact that he was going home alone.

The image of Isabelle and Wesley waiting for he and Deeks to get home was playing over and over in his mind and he hated it. The idea of having to tell them that their dad wasn't with him was more terrifying than anything he had done before.

When he and Deeks had left that morning he had no idea of how the day was going to go. He could barely get his mind around the fact that Nell had been missing. The only thing he had known was that there was nothing any of them wouldn't do to get her back home with them.

The last thing he had expected was to learn that his and pretty much everyone else's covers had been blown before they had even began. Add to that the fact that Deeks seemed to be the only one that could get anywhere near the man and he was lost.

Despite the fact that it was the only option any of them could think of he was still trapped between thinking that it was a horrible idea and thinking that it was a brilliant idea. There was so much more at stake than he wanted to think of. Something that he had done his best to push aside while they all searched for some kind of answers.

Now that he was on his way home to tell their kids what was going on everything was piling on him. It had taken a lot to convince Hetty that telling Isabelle and Wesley was the right thing to do, but he knew how important that was.

They needed to know that their Dad was going to be gone for a bit because he was undercover. They needed to know that Aunt Nell was missing and that the whole team was doing everything to try to get her back safely. They needed to know that things might not end the way they wanted them to. He really was not looking forward to the conversation that was about to happen.

There was no way out of it though. There were too many risks of them not knowing and risks like that just put everyone in even more danger than they needed to be. It was also a good thing for them to prepare for the worst. It might suck to think about it, but no one knew exactly how the whole thing was going to end.

It was then that he realized that he had never done that before. He had left so many of the conversations to Deeks over the years. The man had to explain to both the kids what his job was and why he couldn't be talked to, he gave both of them the sex/growing body talk, he gave them the sexuality/gender talk, and everything in-between.

He could still remember every time he came back from the field and the kids were waiting to tell him something new they had learned. Half the time he was sitting there wondering if it had been too early for that talk until he inevitably realized it wasn't early for them, but for him.

He hadn't realized just how much thought went into deciding what to tell your kids and when to do it until Deeks did it for them. Sometimes, most of the time, Callen was in complete awe of how amazing and intelligent his husband was.

He was also extremely jealous of him. Callen loved being a father, but he always felt like he was on the wrong foot. It all just seemed to be so much easier for Deeks and he wanted that for himself more than he could explain.

Which brought him to where he was now. Pulling into the driveway with the knowledge that he was going to have to explain what was going on to his children. How he wished he had Deeks there to calm him down.

He hadn't even turned the car off before the door was thrown open and the kids were rushing out to him. Both of them were talking a mile a minute making it almost impossible to figure out what was being said. Though there was one word he heard over and over. Dad.

Without saying a word he lead both of them back into the house nodding at the agent as he went. An ever present weight pulled him down as he sat them down on the couch. They had finally fallen quiet and he wasn't sure that was better than their questions.

"Papa?" Isabelle tried once more sounding so young.

"Hi, Sweetheart," Callen finally spoke sending them both hopefully not shaky smiles, "I know you're worried and confused. I'm going to try to explain everything so bare with me. Okay?"

In that moment they looked so serious and he felt his heartbreak. They were just kids. Not just any kids either. They were his kids. How could he be doing this to them? How could he strip a part their childhood and innocence away by telling them everything?

He was their father. He was supposed to take the hits so they had the best childhood they could. That was his only goal. To protect them from all the things out there. Right? That was all that he was good for and he was failing. Again.

"Papa," Wesley called.

"Sorry," Callen sighed before finally starting to talk.

As he talked he watched their faces fall then fill with horror. He felt as if he was explaining it all wrong, but he couldn't think of a nicer way to tell them. Anyway, Deeks always told him not to talk down to them in any situation.

All he wanted to do was take care of his children and he hated feeling as if he was failing them. Yet that was what he felt most of the time. It didn't matter if he was doing everything right he still felt like he wasn't enough for them. Doing that just made things worse for everyone involved.

Even with all of that in mind Callen felt tears fill his eyes as he watched his words sink in. He watched as Isabelle pulled her legs to her chest her arms wrapping around them. Something she hadn't done since she was single digits.

Wesley, on the other hand, sat completely still. It was difficult to tell if he was even breathing at that point. He had never seen his son so still. The little boy moved all of the time. Even in his sleep he was in motion.

"I know that this isn't the easiest thing to hear," Callen began again after he finished telling them everything.

"Aunt Nell is missing," Isabelle cut in her voice breaking painfully, "and Daddy is undercover with a man that knows who all of you are and might actually know who he is. What do we do with that?!"

"I know, but…"

"Dad shouldn't be there," Wesley ground out sounding angrier than Callen had heard him before.

"Wesley-"

"No! You're the agent! You're supposed to do this! Not my Daddy!"

Hearing Wesley's voice cracked as the tears finally took over Callen surged forward and pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Isabelle joined them a moment later her tears soaking into Callen's shirt as they all shook. He held them closely as they all attempted to calm down.

"Did your Dad ever tell you about the biggest mistake I've ever made?" Callen questioned as they slowly pulled away.

"No," Isabelle shook her head while Wesley looked on blankly.

"I'm not surprised. I still don't think he's fully forgiven me and I sure as hell haven't forgiven myself. You were only seven months old at the time, Isabelle, and your Dad had been deaf for about a year. I was still working as an agent at the time and you both know how dangerous that is. Everyone told me I was an idiot and that I had to tell Marty, but I didn't listen."

"What didn't you tell him?" Wesley questioned softly.

"That the people that we were trying to take down knew about him and Isabelle. That they had threatened them."

A gasp fell from both his children at that. All he wanted to do was drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness like he had done all those years before. He knew that it didn't matter if he got it though. No matter how much time passed he wold never be able to forgive himself for what happened.

"One day they came," Callen continued after a pregnant pause, "It was just Isabelle, Monty, and your Dad in the house. Four armed men broke in aiming to do whatever they had to to get me to do what I was told."

"If you weren't there then how did you stop them?" Isabelle asked her eyes darting around his face.

"I didn't. That's why I'm telling you this story. Because I forgot the same thing you guys are."

"What?"

"Your Dad is a cop. A damn good one too. That training has been drilled into him and he still trains too. He can keep up with all of us. He can best us too. That day I didn't stop them. Your Dad single-handedly took down four armed men. He brought you to safety, Isabelle, and then he decked me."

"Why do you sound so happy about that?"

"Because I deserved it. After everything I did that day… Honestly I thought your Dad was going to take you and leave and I wouldn't have blamed him."

"Papa!"

"I love you both more than anything, but that day I almost cost you your life, Isabelle, because I was blind."

"Blink?"

"Your Dad is and always will be stronger than me. Deaf or not. He is stronger than either of you will ever know. He is stronger than he'll ever know."

All three of them fell silent at that. Callen knew that he had just put a lot on their shoulder and it truly wasn't fair to them but he still felt as if it was their right to know exactly what was going on with their family.

That was something he had fought over with Sam and Hetty. Both of them had thought that no good could come from the kids knowing exactly what was going on. Anyway, talking in-depth like that just wasn't done with people outside of NCIS.

Callen couldn't get Deeks words out of his head though. No matter what happened he was firm in the knowledge that talking down to children helped nothing. Kids were smart and treating them any other way was disrespectful.

"I'm scared," Wesley finally admitted after a moment.

"I am too," Called offered placing kisses on both of their foreheads, "But my faith in your Dad is stronger than my fear for him. He knows what he's doing. I want to promise that everything will be fine, but I won't lie to you like that. I don't know how things will turn out, but I do know that none of us will stop until we have answers. All of us will do everything to keep everyone safe. I promise you that. I promise."


	9. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again. Emotional chapter! Also, if I could stop writing episode instead of chapter that would be great! 
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Sitting at the table Deeks placed his coffee next to his laptop letting his eyes dart around the apartment once more. It was the first time in a long time that he had been staying at someplace that wasn't his home and everything felt odd.

For the longest time he had been able to pack a bag, if he was lucky, and make any place that he had to feel like his home. That was before he and Callen had moved in together though. It was before he felt like the only thing he needed to feel safe and sound was the man that he married.

He knew just how mushy that sounded and he was sure that if he ever told anyone that they'd make fun of him, but that was the truth. His home was with Callen and then they had kids and his home was with them. He felt everything that once upon a time he had been too afraid to even think of wanting.

Being away from that was… He had no idea how he was supposed to describe what he was feeling. In the back of his mind he knew that it was for the best. With everything that Graham seemed to know having him not be around his family was the only way to keep them safe.

That knowledge didn't help with the feeling of being lost though. He might not be able to hear his family, but he always felt them. He could feel Callen's calm sturdiness, Isabelle's sarcastic wit, and Wesley's innocent wisdom throughout their home. In the apartment all Deeks could feel was emptiness.

After he started to practice law he had been afraid that he'd be too busy to be around his home. Wesley did not agree with that. He couldn't help but smile as he thought about his son. The boy loved nothing more than to climb onto the counter and do his homework as his Dad worked on a case.

It was rare that any communication was used by either of them when that happened. Instead it was simply the two of them sharing the space in silence. Something that sounded odd when he thought about it in any real detail.

He was deaf. There could be so many noises from Wesley and he wouldn't know it. The only reason he knew that the boy wasn't talking or playing music was because Isabelle had told him. Without that he could have missed full conversations.

Not that that was unusual. No one purposefully kept him in the dark, but there was times when he saw himself out of conversations for no real reason at all. Anyway, he knew if it was important he'd hear about it at some point.

Sometimes he simply wanted the silence. Which was not something that he ever thought that he'd want in his life. For so long he had done everything possible to never let the silence in. It left too much room for thinking and he was not a fan of getting lost in thought.

At least he used to not be a fan of getting lost in his own mind. Somehow that wasn't as scary as it once was. Yes, he still got trapped in some of the worst memories he had, but they didn't terrify him like they once had.

Nate had helped him a lot in learning to accept all of his emotions. It still wasn't the easiest thing to do and he did ignore emotions sometimes, but he was working on it. The whole thing was a learning process.

It was weird to think of how much he had grown up since he had lost his hearing. A part of him couldn't believe the man he had become. Growing up he used to think of how he would be as an adult all the time.

Sometimes he was this great hero righting the wrong others caused. Being the person that he had wished came into his life when he needed them Other times he was a drunk, abusive man. Someone all too familiar to him.

In truth he had never really known what to expect from himself. He was sort of just going from day to day trying his best to respect himself and his choices. At least that was how he lived until he met Callen and they started to date.

When they first got together Deeks had found himself actually thinking about who he was instead of just reacting. He had wanted to be the best version of himself. That was who he had thought Callen had wanted.

It took far too long to realize that Callen just liked him and not who he pretended to be. Truthfully he wasn't even sure who he was pretending to be back then. All he knew was it wasn't who he was. Just like the person he was now wasn't who he used to be.

He was really beginning to hate how often he thought that, but it always was in the back of his mind. Every second of everyday he thought of how much he had changed from the man he used to be and how everything else seemed to stay the same.

Sighing Deeks buried his hands as his mind wondered to his husband. He loved Callen with all of his heart, but sometimes he questioned them. Not because he thought they shouldn't be together, but because he thought maybe they'd be happier if they were apart. Maybe they could be better alone. That hurt to even think.

Deeks had no idea when he had really started thinking about it, but it had been there for a while. He truly wanted Callen to live a happy life and he wasn't sure that them being together was bringing that happiness. He just wanted the man he loved to be happy.

Before he could get lost down that rabbit hole Deeks felt the phone in his pocket vibrate. Sighing he pulled it out hoping it was something about the case so he could focus on something else. It was just a message from Eric telling him to turn on his laptop. Knowing that he was probably going to video chat he blinked back the tears not wanting to deal with that just yet.

As soon as it was booted up the request was on his screen. Deeks had to ignore the voice in the back of his head telling him to decline. It was time to work and with any luck Eric had either figured out where Nell was or had found something on Grahams' 'bestie'.

Eric waved as soon as he popped up but for a moment Deeks was distracted by Callen in the background. The sight of him used to bring a smile to his lips but now all he wanted to do was cry. He really hated figuring out things mid-investigation.

"Find anything?" Deeks questioned dragging his attention from his husband.

"Yeah," Eric signed before puling up a new screen, "James Comeau. From what I can find his family lived across from Grahams' when they lived in France. They're two years apart in age, but everything says that they were close."

"How close?"

"Well, Comeau was an up and coming computer programmer. He had requests from schools and companies all over the world by the time he was sixteen. All of which he turned down to be with Graham."

"Sounds as if there's something going on there," Callen said and signed moving closer to the screen.

"Agreed," Deeks replied with a nod of his head, "When he was there it was clear that something was going on."

"You still think Graham doesn't know about Nell?" Eric cut in looking dejected.

"Not in detail at least. Graham isn't a master mind by any means. He loves his food and the diner. That's where his mind lies. Not with… What was he being questioned for again?"

"We think he's running drugs and weapons."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why do we think he's doing that? Do we have any proof or evidence? An anonymous phone call? Anything?"

Eric lifted his hands a few times as if he was going to sign something only for them to fall to his sides a moment later. A confused but angry look came to his face as he grabbed his tablet and started out of the room leaving Deeks and Callen alone.

"Do you have a second to talk?" Callen signed coming closer once more.

"Not really much to do here," Deeks replied ignoring the voice to run.

"Right."

Even though Callen had been the one to ask to talk he fell silent. Deeks could feel his heart pounding in his chest. In that moment he wished that the other man was in front of him. It seemed impersonal doing it on video chat.

"How are the kids?" Deeks signed wanting to get rid of the awkwardness.

"Good," Callen offered trying but failing to smile, "A little scared, but that's understandable. It's a lot to take in."

"They know? Everything?"

"Yeah. That's what Sam, Hetty, and I were arguing about the other day? I thought you knew."

"No, I wasn't paying that close attention. I didn't seem to be needed."

Callen's face fell at that. He looked so guilty in that moment that Deeks wanted to apologize. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the other man. Lately that seemed to be all either of them were doing to each other.

"I'm sorry," Callen signed dejectedly, "I keep messing up."

"You're not the only one," Deeks replied his shoulders sagging.

"I'm sorry. If that actually means anything anymore."

"Callen-"

"I know. I..."

"No, Callen quiet time now. I'm talking. You need to stop doing this every time we try to have this conversation."

"Stop doing what?"

"Stop trying to take the blame for everything that's happening. You're not alone in this. I mess up too. We just… God, I don't know where it all went wrong."

"You think it went wrong? That we went wrong?"

There was a desperate edge to Callen's eyes that Deeks wanted to make disappear, but he didn't lift his hands to sign. Feeling tears fill his eyes he quickly blinked them away as Eric entered the room again and pulling the conversation back to the case. Deeks tried to pay attention, but all he could focus on was his husband moving back into the shadows so he couldn't see his face anymore.


	10. Reflection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There had to be at least one conversation like this right? It wouldn't be one of my fics if there wasn't at least one.
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Opening a new file Callen tried his hardest to focus on the words, but he couldn't understand any of the words. The only thing that his mind was thinking about was Deeks words. Over and over they played in his head like a broken record. They echoed so loudly that it was as if they had been shouted at him instead of signed.

Callen knew that he had been thinking similar thoughts as of late, but the fact the Deeks thought them as well was just wrong. When they had gotten married he had promised himself that he would do everything in his power to make his husband never doubt him.

He had spent so much of his time growing up meeting new people and wondering if he was supposed to trust them or not. Hell, for longer than he liked to admit he wondered if he could even trust himself. It had not been a fun time for anyone involved.

That was not the type of life that he had wanted for them. Everything in him had wanted to make their home be a safe place for the both of them. A place where they didn't have to question or hide away. Somewhere along the way that had fallen to pieces.

The worst part about it all though was that he didn't have an argument. As much as it pained him to admit it Deeks was right. There was something wrong with them. He just had no idea what it was that had changed.

He still loved the younger man with all of his heart and even with their problems he didn't doubt that Deeks loved him as well. That was the one thing that he knew they were both sure of. They loved each other just as much as they did when they first got together.

The problem was the fact that he had no idea how to pin-point where their problems were. All he knew was that they were there and if they didn't start trying to fix them soon than there was a chance they weren't going to make it out together.

When he was a child he used to dream about the family he once had. A mother and father, a sibling or two, possibly even a dog. He dreamed of the love that they'd share and how much peace and happiness that brought him.

He never thought that he'd have something like that at all. Yet he did. He had a husband, two kids, and a dog. Every single day he was surrounded by love and… He was watched as it fell apart and he had no idea how to fix it. Why wasn't love enough?

There was a part of him that wanted nothing more than to run from it all and hide. It wasn't as if him being there was actually helping. Everything seemed exactly the same it did before he retired. He might as well have stayed an agent and done something worth while.

As soon as he thought that he wanted to smack himself. He had decided to retire because he wanted to actually be a part of his family. He wanted to stop watching from the sidelines like an old family friend and truly be there.

He hadn't retired for Deeks. He did it for Isabelle and Wesley. Their kids were the most important things in their lives. The two of them meant more to them than either man would ever be able to explain.

He would never be able to explain how much it hurt him to walk into his own home and feel like a stranger. The fact that he had been able to look at his children and know nothing about who they were was heartbreaking to him.

Maybe that was the problem or at least part of it. When was the last time he and Deeks had done something together? Even something as small as lunch was always overrun by at least one of the kids. If they ever got the time.

He could still clearly hear Sam warning him not to let them fall to the wayside. They didn't need to be the center of attention, but they did need attention. Instead the two of them had faded away into nothingness.

Callen felt so stupid. He had known that there was a good chance that he and Deeks could fall apart if they ignored their relationship, hell they talked about it more than once, but that's what happened. They always ignored that problem of theirs.

None of this was new to them. Since the very beginning they had issues leaving their responsibilities alone for one second to take care of themselves. Everyone else always came first. Up until the point they were drowning themselves. That happened even before they got together.

He and Deeks were a pretty evenly matched pair in that regard. Why did he always forget that when the cards hit the table? All he did lately was forget. He was supposed to be good at this. He was supposed to be good at being a husband and father. Yet there he was.

What was he doing for the family now? Sitting around taking care of their kids that could practically take care of themselves? What good was that for him or them? Sometimes he truly hated how little he seemed to be needed anymore.

For the longest time he had been sure of himself. He was G Callen and he had to remember that growing up. It was so easy to get lost in the person people told him to be with his upbringing. He had to know who he was and be unshakable with that knowledge.

All of that seemed to slowly fade away around him as he grew up. He knew that he was still himself, but at times it felt like it was just a name. He had to be more than just a name. Right? He was an adult now. He had to be more.

"This is torture," Kensi suddenly spoke up dropping her file to her desk loudly, "How are there so many files on a guy that we have nothing on?"

"Welcome to government work," Callen muttered running a hand over his face.

"All papers, no words."

Looking over at the woman he watched as the smirk fell from her lips and replaced it with a concerned look. He quickly looked away realizing that he hadn't even thought to hide his emotions from her.

That wasn't like him at all. As much as he trusted the team he knew better than to do something like that. Once upon a time he was the person that they looked towards to have a plan. He couldn't let his emotions compromise him.

He wasn't that person anymore though. Yes, he knew about the work that they did and he still had contacts in different places, but he wasn't the leader by any means. They didn't need him to be that person.

Still, the idea of having to drop that face around them was terrifying to Callen. He wasn't even sure that he did that around his family all that much. He might be a little more open with them, but it wasn't anywhere near where they needed him to be.

That should have been a light bulb moment for him. It was something else that he had to change about his thought process to make life with his family better. He already knew that he did that though. He simply didn't know how to fix it.

"Callen?" Kensi asked her chair squeaking as she turned to him her arms crossing over her chest, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," he shook his head, "Have you found anything?"

"No. You?"

"Nothing."

They fell quiet a moment later, but he could feel her eyes on him. He couldn't help but glance over at her only to catch the look of disappointment on her face. Sighing he turned fully to her waiting for her to say what she was thinking.

"Something's going on," she finally said.

"I know," Callen offered with a fake calm.

"With Deeks."

"Kensi..."

"He's my best friend, Callen. You can't tell me that everything is fine."

"He- He said something?"

"No, but I can see that something's changed."

Letting his eyes drop down to the file on his desk he took a shaky breath. He didn't know why that hurt as much as it did. The fact people outside of their relationship could see that there was something wrong was not good. What if that meant they couldn't fix it?

"Callen?" Kensi questioned softly, "What is going on?"

"I have no idea," Callen shook his head, "I just… have no idea."

Falling silent once more he picking up the file trying his best to read words that seemed to blur together. A voice yelled at him to forget about Deeks for the moment. All their problems were going to be there tomorrow. Could they say the same for Nell?

"He loves you," Kensi offered softly.

"I love him too," Callen replied running a hand over his head, "Is that really enough?"

"Is that… No! Of course love isn't enough on its own! It evens the playing field though. It gives you both a path to go down. Love alone is pretty words that mean nothing. Words are easy. Love, true love, isn't."

Blinking a few times he looked over at Kensi. It had been a long time since he had heard her talk so openly like that. She looked so sure of herself that he couldn't help but smile slightly. Even telling him off she seemed to have more poise than him.

"Love isn't lazy," she continued staring into his eyes, "And it's not infallible. If you don't watch and pay attention like you would with anything else than… Than it's your own fault when it's gone."

Letting her words sink in he couldn't help looking away once more. It was easy to see that she was talking from experience and it felt like he wasn't supposed to see the pain and heartbreak on her face. Those emotions belonged to her and her alone.

"Sorry," she whispered slumping into her chair.

"Don't be," Callen sighed running his fingers over the page, "You're right."

"You'd be surprised how many times I wanted to tell you and Deeks that."

"Why didn't you?"

"Every time I'd stat we'd get called on a case and it wasn't right. I thought that things would get better after you retired."

"So did I, but… I didn't retire for Deeks. I haven't thought of doing something just for Deeks in a long time. It's always been work and the kids. Same probably for him as well."

"Yeah. Tell you what. After this is done and we have them both he and Nell back why don't I take the kids for a weekend? You two can figure out what you're going to do."

"Thank you. That sounds… Wait a minute."

"What?"

His mind had been darting around so quickly before that he hadn't been able to really read any of the words, but something suddenly struck him. Quickly pulling paper after paper from the files he laid them over his desk trying to find what he was looking for. There was so many investigations open on Graham. Too many. Each more empty than the last. Too empty.

"Yes," he exclaimed motioning to the papers, "Look at this"

"What?" Kensi asked leaning over.

"Look at the names of the person who signed them."

"Jack Stark. Maggie Caine. Misha Sanders. Thomas Collins. None of them are the same."

"Exactly. Graham is a big fish. He could make or break someones career. Are you telling me not one of these people took a weekend to follow up once they had intel on him?"

"Deeks was right. All these reports are fake. But why? And how did he know about you and Sam? About Nell?"

"I don't know, but it might be time to bring him in and find out."


	11. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was not previously written, but when I started to edit it seemed so much better than what I had before! And I added a new plot point to the whole thing. Or at least closed one that I had opened up before. Got to love it!
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Sitting on the table Deeks watched as Callen and Sam attempted to get Graham to talk. He couldn't understand what any of them were saying, but he from what he could see it was not going well. Since they had been in interrogation for almost an hour he was pretty sure he was right.

Graham was leaning back in his chair an annoyed but sure smirk on his face looking completely relaxed. Not only was he used to the whole thing by now, but he also had the air of someone that had nothing to hide. He thought that they were all idiots and was simply indulging them until he could finally leave and get on with life.

Callen and Sam, on the other hand, simply looked annoyed. It hadn't been all that long for a normal interrogation, but it was unproductive and none of them had the time for that. They wanted it to be over just as much as Graham did.

The truth of the matter was that all of them were done with it all. The only thing that was keeping them going was the fact that Nell was missing. She was their only thought and the man was the only lead they had.

Under normal circumstances he would still be undercover and trying to get Graham to trust him. They didn't have the time for that. Nell had already been gone longer than anyone wanted. They couldn't really afford to keep waiting for the answers to fall out of the sky. They had to start pushing.

Something that wasn't turning out well for them. How could they convince someone to talk when the man already had seen all the cards that they had? It didn't help that he was clearly innocent of everything he had been accused of.

Someone had been playing the long game when it came to Graham and the investigation. They had organized the whole thing to get Graham alone and distrustful of the police. Something that had obviously succeeded, at least partially, if the interrogation was anything to go by.

At the same time though Deeks had seen him and talked to him. Yes, he didn't like cops, but he still trusted people. He wouldn't have talked to 'Liam' if he hadn't. Whatever had happened to him was a recent thing. Something that could still be undone. Hopefully.

From everything that he had seen so far there wasn't a doubt in his mind that it Grahams' 'best friend' was at the very least in on it. Comeau was an odd character from the beginning. The first time he had met the man it was clear to him that something was going on.

Comeau had the same feel a handful of criminals that he had met in the past. Ones that he always thought were more dangerous than the others. He was the kind that didn't think he was doing anything wrong.

It wasn't completely clear to any of them why the man would be doing what he was doing, but the main theory at the same was the fact that he and Graham were close. Whether they thought of each other as brothers or Comeau was secretly in love with the other didn't matter. They were close.

That closeness matched with the obvious intelligence that Comeau had was not a good thing. He was protective to a fault and thought of everyone else as a danger to his friend. If they were a danger than they needed to be stopped.

At least that was part of it. Yes, it was clear that the man was protective over Graham. No one could fight that, but if they were right than he had started to whole thing rolling. He had been the one to plant the idea that Graham was a criminal in the FBI's mind.

That was the part that Deeks couldn't really understand. Why would he want to do something like that? The world was leaving the two of them alone to run a diner that was doing pretty damn good if the paperwork Eric found was right. It made no sense.

He had come across more than a few cases of abuse where the abuser convinced that victim that police and any authority was something to be feared and avoided. Thinking back on their meeting he could see how that thought might be there, but it didn't seem right.

Their relationship didn't seem abusive; though he didn't know what went on behind closed doors. Maybe he was reading the situation wrong and Comeau was. If that was the case than he didn't know what to do.

Everything in him screamed to find a way to help Graham. No one deserved to be in an abusive situation. If they could get him out from under Comeaus' thumb than maybe they'd be able to not only save Nell, but him as well.

There were two things standing in their way though. The fact that Graham had complete faith in Comeau and the fact that they had zero evidence of anything. The man was damn good at whatever it was that he had done. Their only hope was Eric at that point.

Eric was working as hard as he could to figure it all out, but it wasn't an easy thing to do when one had no direction. They were all grasping at straws at that point. Something that was getting them nowhere quickly.

Shaking his head once more Deeks pulled out his phone and sent a text to Callen saying they needed to talk. At that point everything that he had thought of was just theory, but it was better than continuing the way they were.

"You got something?" Callen questioned hopefully walking up to him.

"Maybe," Deeks signed back swinging his legs slightly, "I was thinking about why this is happening the way it it. Graham and Comeau had nothing to fear from police. Nothing at all. No one was coming after them. No one even knew who they were. If we're right Comeau was the one pulling police attention to them."

"Okay, but that doesn't make any sense. Why would he want to make life a living hell for his best friend?"

"To keep him under his thumb."

Deeks watched as Callen's eyes unfocused for a moment as he got lost in thought. Waiting for the other man to think about what he had just said Deeks found himself feeling more than a little nervous.

It wasn't that he wanted to be right per say, but he kind of did. He used to be so proud of the way that his mind worked during a case. The fact that he could see things that the others couldn't was something that kept him going a lot of the time.

He was fully aware that when they were all working together that he had been on a lower end of the skill settings. It wasn't that he was bad, but the other simply knew more than he did in a lot of cases.

What he did have was a different way of thinking. He didn't know how to describe it other than that. He thought differently than they did and that put him in a situation of pointing out things that they hadn't seen.

One of the things that he always tried to do was put himself in the mindset of the victim as well as the suspect. If he could see the whole thing from both sides than he'd be able to solve the case all the faster while getting as many people safely out as he could.

All of that lead him to believe that he was right about Graham and Comeaus' relationship. It wasn't a healthy one by any means and they needed to do something about that if they wanted to get anywhere in the case.

"Okay," Callen finally offered nodding his head, "What are you thinking?"

"Talk to Graham about his relationship with Comeau," Deeks replied standing up.

"He's not going to listen to us."

"He might if…"

"No, Deeks, you should talk to him."

Deeks suddenly regretted standing up. The whole world felt as if it had shifted just from that sentence alone. The last thing he should be doing was talking to Graham. He couldn't even really  _talk_ at all!

"Callen," Deeks tried to start.

"I know, but you're are best hope. Listen to me, you already talked to him and you saw them together. You're the only one that he might actually listen to."

Nodding his head slightly Deeks followed Callen to the interrogation room door trying to ignore the fact that his heart felt as if it was trying to escape his chest. He truly did not want to do what he was about to do, but Callen was right. He had to try.

Opening the door he watched as Graham's eyes widened almost comically upon his entrance. Under any other circumstance he would have found it funny, but at the moment he felt like he was walking into his execution.

Behind him Callen and Sam walked out and closed the door leaving the two of them alone. Slowly he made his way to the table and sat down trying to gather his thoughts enough to get at least one sentence down.

That was when he realized that he didn't have a notebook or a tablet or anything like that. The only way that he was going to be able to talk with Graham was to actually speak. A part of him wanted to turn to the camera and ask for something like that, but taking a deep breath he forced himself to start.

"Hello," Deeks started hoping his voice didn't sound as weak as he thought it did.

"You lying son of..." Graham started his head turning at the last second.

"I can guess what the end of that sentence was, but I wasn't lying about being deaf. I need you to look at me."

For a moment Deeks was sure that the other man was going to ignore his request completely. Not that he wouldn't have deserved it. This had always been the thing he hated the most about going undercover. Lying to someone that shouldn't even be a part of the case in the first place.

"I did not think cops could be deaf," Graham finally said turning to him fully.

"They can't," Deeks nodded his head, "I'm not a cop anymore. I used to work here though."

"If you are not a cop why are you here talking to me? Why did you lie to me?"

"Because this was my team. Nell is my family and I'd do anything to get her back safely."

"I did  _nothing_ to this Nell. Why can't…"

"We know. Graham… Nikolai, we know you didn't do anything."

The other man stared at Deeks in shock when he said that. Something about the look was so innocent that he couldn't help but be reminded of his children. He was so lost and confused. Something that never ended well in situations like they were in.

"You do not think I did anything?" Nikolai questioned his head cocked to the side.

"No," Deeks repeated giving him a small smile, "But we do think you're in the middle."

"How? I would never do anything like I have been accused. Neither would anyone that I know! I would never associate with people like that!"

"Nikolai, we believe that all of this is someone trying to make you distrust law enforcement. They want you to not want to contact us."

"Who would want that? Why would someone want that?"

"Tell me about James Comeau."

Deeks watched as the other mans eyes started to close off. It wasn't as if that wasn't expected of him. They had jumped from basically making his life a living hell to accusing his best friend of being behind it all. Defensive was high on the list of things he was.

"You think-" he tried to start his hands resting flat on the table.

"Listen to me," Deeks cut off holding his own hands up, "Please. When we were at the diner and he came up you didn't look at him. You stared at your food while he glared at you. Why?"

"He would never-"

"Nikolai. Why wouldn't you look at him?"

His mouth was shut in a tight line, but Deeks could see his shoulders begin to shake as he took in a breath. Standing up slowly he moved around the table as tears filled Nikolai's eyes. As soon as he was around the table the other man buried his face into his stomach tears dampening his shirt.

"Shh," Deeks soothed rubbing at his back and neck, "It's okay now. You're safe now. We won't let him get to you."


	12. Copy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what this chapter is, but I love it and I think it answers a lot of questions that might have been asked.
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Putting down another file Callen pushed himself up from the table and moved to the coffee machine. He felt as if he had been sitting there for days going through everything. The pounding in his skull echoed that sentiment.

In all the time he spent thinking about how much he missed being an agent he always forgot one thing. Paperwork. Whether he was the one filling it out or going through it for a case it was always there looming overhead.

It wasn't as if he didn't understand the importance in it. More often than not it was because of paperwork that they were able to solve a case. That didn't mean that it wasn't one of the most annoying things ever.

At the moment he was going over the files that the FBI had given them at the beginning of the case. They sounded almost exactly like things he had written down in the past it wasn't funny. Truthfully, it was very very annoying.

Not that that wasn't basically what happened. Despite the fact that every case was different when it came to putting it on paper everything started to sound the same at some point. Something that the higher ups did not like. Hours into reading over the same words in slightly different order Callen was starting to agree with them.

Deeks had gone to Graham's diner to pick up even more files and his laptop while Sam and Kensi had taken the man himself to a safe house. Graham had wanted Deeks to go with him, but with some convincing it was decided that he would be the best to sneak in and get the things they needed.

All of them were starting to feel the pressure weighing down on them to find something that led them to Nell. As soon as Comeau figured out that Graham wasn't coming back and his plan was falling apart he was going to get desperate. That was the last thing they needed.

With every moment that passed though it became clearer and clearer to Callen that they had nothing that could help any of them. Everything that was in those files was simply a smokescreen. Still that didn't mean they could just throw them to the wayside.

The feeling of spinning his wheels was not one that he missed. There had to be something for him to do other than wait for someone else to find something. Grabbing his coffee he made his way back to the table and sat down once more.

Pushing away the thoughts that he wasn't going to find anything he picked up a new file and started in again. It was the only thing he could do at the point and he'd rather be doing it than nothing at all.

It was instantly clear that there was basically zero information on the pages. There were dates and approximate locations, but no names of people or anything they… Blinking a few times Callen reached for a new file and flicked through it as well.

He had been having the oddest sense of deja vu since he started reading, but he had pushed that off as having read them too much. Looking at them again though he was sure that he recognized them word for word.

Ever since they figured out that Comeau was the one that had written everything and that no crimes really happened they had assumed that the case files had been written by him himself and could lead to some clues.

Looking at them now it was clear that though they were sparse they had been written by law enforcement. Comeau had simply edited them down so no real information had been given. They were real files. Ones Callen knew.

Grabbing a tablet Callen sent a quick message to Eric before he started to pull up old cases files of his. There was a connection in there somewhere. He just had no idea where he was supposed to start looking.

"Callen," Eric called popping up on the screen, "What is it? Did you find something?"

"Maybe," he offered turning to the tv, "It'll be faster if you do this. Cross reference everything in these files with old NCIS cases."

"What? Why? Graham was FBI."

"Right, but I know these words. I've seen them before. Hell, I've written them. Just do it. Okay. I think…"

Before Callen could finish his sentence the doors opened revealing a tired looking Deeks carrying about a box. Signing off with Eric he stood up and moved to help his husband before he fell over.

"Thank you," Deeks signed once his hands were free.

"No problem," Callen smiled before motioning to the boxes, "Find anything?"

"Maybe. There's some payments labeled as rent to a small house. I sent the info to Kensi so she could see if Nikolai knew anything about them and, surprise surprise, he did not."

"You think Nell might be there?"

"No idea."

"Good enough for me."

Callen watched as Deeks chuckled pathetically before practically falling over into a chair. Kneeling in front of him he rested a hand on his thigh while his eyes darted around the mans face trying to figure out what was going on.

"Sorry," Deeks offered looking up at him.

"Are you okay?" Callen questioned worriedly, "You look exhausted."

"I am. I forgot just how much doing this takes out of me. I don't know how you're not."

Staring up at his partner Callen felt himself deflate slightly. He was trying his best to keep up the front that he was fine, but looking at the man in front of him he couldn't bring himself to do it anymore.

"Deeks," Callen started shaking his head, "I'm not okay. I'm exhausted doing all of this. I feel like I'm not only in everyone's way but that I'm not doing anything. I feel like I don't belong here anymore."

"What?" Deeks asked his head cocked to the side in confusion, "I thought you loved being back here. I know you miss it."

"I do, but… For everything that I've dreamed of being back here is nothing like that. All it's doing is reminding me that I'm gone. I don't fit in here anymore."

For a moment the two of them stared at each other neither having the right words to say. At the same time though Callen felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest. He hadn't ever thought he'd say those words aloud, but now that he had he felt better.

"I don't either," Deeks signed his hands shaking slightly, "I… You have no idea how much I wanted to be able to fit in here like I used to. I wanted to be able to… I don't know. I just..."

"Wanted this to be home again?" Callen guessed.

"Yeah. It's stupid."

"It's not. That's how I feel too. I had so much pride in my job. Before you and the kids the only way I thought I'd retire was with a bullet. This was going to be my life until the day I died. Then I had a reason to live, but I wasn't. I did my job and even though I love you and Isabelle and Wesley with all of my heart I did nothing to show that. Me retiring was supposed to be a new start. That failed."

"No, it didn't fail, Callen. You've done something amazing."

"I didn't do anything."

"G, you had to change your entire thought process in order to start thinking like a parent and not an agent. That's not something that's easy. I should know. I didn't have a choice in the matter. I couldn't come back here. Hell, I shouldn't be here now. You, on the other hand, you could have. Hetty would have taken you back in an instant and we both know it. Why do you think it took so long for her to bring in Arlo?"

"I could never do that to you guys. I loved my job, but you and our kids will always be the most important thing to me."

Callen watched as his husband gave him a smile that he hadn't seen in years. It was so peaceful and beautiful. Leaning forward slightly he moved to press there lips together only for the tv to flicker to life before he could.

"Callen you were right!" Eric exclaimed before his eyes went wide, "Oh my god. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I messed up your moment, but..."

Dropping his head down Callen pulled away from Deeks. A light blush was on the younger mans face as he straightened up himself and turned his attention to the still stuttering Eric. It might have been a bit embarrassing, but for a moment it felt like old times.

"Eric," Callen spoke out loud and signed, "What do you got for us?"

"A lot actually," Eric grinned looking lighter than he had in days.

"A lot?" Deeks signed eyes darting between the two of them, "You know where Nell is?"

"Maybe. That apartment that you found Deeks? It's right across from Kaiser Peremenete. Which if you rearrange the letters comes out to..."

"Sparkier Meta Nene," Callen laughed shaking his head.

"Yup. I sent you, Turk, Sam, and Kensi the address. They'll met you there. I also looked into what you said, Callen, and you were right."

"What?" Deeks questioned confused.

"Callen was looking over the files the FBI gave us on Graham. He thought he knew the words and he did because he wrote them."

"I did?" Callen asked jumping back in.

"Yeah. Before Callen retired we worked a case with the FBI. The wording in these files, once you delete pretty much all the substance of the files, they are word for word what Callen and Sam and Kensi wrote."

"You think Comeau hacked the FBI and copied those files? Why? What would that even do?"

"He's a hacker, Callen," Deeks offered a smile coming to his lips as well, "He doesn't know how to talk like a cop. He had to have something that would grab the right attention."

"Exactly That's also how he got our names to Graham. The files had them. NCIS wasn't compromised at all. FBI was."

"NCIS was never a part of the plan then."

"I don't think so. I think that's why Nell was taken."

"Good work, Eric. Now, let's get our girl back."


	13. Safe Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very not what I had written for this chapter the first time around, but oh my goodness I absolutely love it! I hope you do as well. Also, did you think I wouldn't think to add as much badass Deeks as possible? Please tell me you know me better than that by now.
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Shaking his head Deeks watched as Nikolai went through the small kitchen again. The man had been cooking everything that he possibly could in an attempt to get his mind off of everything that had been happening. Not that he could really be blamed for that; Deeks wanted to do the same thing.

At the moment Callen and the rest of the team were raiding the apartment building they all hoped Nell was in. He had offered to stay with Nikolai so he wasn't alone while they did that. Though it was just as much about him not being alone as well.

Deeks had forgotten just how much he hated sitting around knowing that the people he loved were doing something that could very easily get them killed. None of them knew what Comeau was capable of. He could very easily have set up traps or he could be going there himself ready to take them all out. Okay, he was spiraling a little. That was nothing new to him.

Actually it was pretty much all that he did when he first had to leave NCIS. Everyone thought that he didn't want to hear about the cases they were working on because it hurt that he wasn't there with them. That was part of the truth, but not all of it.

The thing that always got to him the most was the fact that they were down a person when they went out in the field. That left so many blind spots open it wasn't funny. If they forgot even for one second that he wasn't there then they could easily get killed.

When he was a teenager Ray and he used to be inseparable. Not just because they were best friends and the only people that understood what the others home life was like, but because Deeks was damn protective of his best friend.

Ray was the type of person that loved to cause trouble and get into fights with anyone that looked at him wrong. He had always said that if he threw the first punch than he was already on the higher ground.

More often than not that left him in very bad situations. Picking on people that were twice or three times his own size was not a smart thing to do. That was where Deeks came into play though. Because they had to get past him to get to Ray.

That hadn't changed when he grew up. He might have a little more control over himself and he could usually talk his way out of a situation, but he was never one to just let the people he cared about go in alone.

That was the main reason he didn't want to hear about the cases anymore. He didn't want to be so scared that at any given moment someone was going to get injured or killed because he wasn't there to stop it.

Now he was back to feeling that way. Callen was off with everyone else trying to bring back Nell and… Were they hoping that Comeau was there or were they waiting for a different time to be able to take him down?

Deeks wasn't to bash his head into a wall. He had no idea what the hell he was supposed to be hoping for at that point. All he knew was that he wanted this over and down with. He wanted his family back where they were safe. At least safe for them.

A small part of him regretted going to spend the time with Nikolai. It was clear that the last thing he should be was alone, but there were other agents that could have easily been there for him instead.

It had been days since he had seen Isabelle and Wesley and that was starting to get to him. He knew in the back of his mind that they were both completely safe physically, but that didn't mean that they were actually okay.

For the longest time they had had to deal with one of the their parents being gone because of a case. Now the both of them were. He couldn't even begin to think of how the two of them must be feeling.

Though if he was going to guess he would think it would be something similar to the panicked, angry feeling that was keeping him upright at the moment. That was not a good feeling to be having. It was actually very, very bad.

Jerking his head up as a plate suddenly appeared in his vision Deeks looked over at a flustered looking Nikolai and gave a shaky smile. In front of him was a pile of still steaming pasta. The sight of the food reminded him just how little he had been eating lately.

To the side of the plate a small notebook was pushed forward along with a pen. All it said was 'Spaghetti aglio e olio' so he had to assume that that was what was in front of him. He had no idea what it meant, but it looked delicious.

"How did you find everything to make this?" Deeks wrote down in amusement, "This place is pretty empty."

"It might look impressive," Nikolai answered smiling softly, "but it is actually quite simple. Noodles, olive oil, garlic, and red pepper flakes."

"Really? That's all that's in this?"

"Yes. Recipes do not need to have a million items in them to be delicious. Sometimes the simplest things are the best. They are always very hard to mess up. This is one of the first things I ever made. Please, tell me what you think."

With a nod of his head Deeks reached out and took a bite of the noodles. Nikolai was right. It was delicious. For the first time since everything that started he felt himself relax slightly and simply enjoy the food.

"I'll have to remember this," Deeks offered up, "My kids will love it."

"You have kids?" Nikolai questioned his head cocked to the side.

Deeks could have hit himself at that. Yes, they were sure that Nikolai hadn't been involved in anything and was in face a victim, but that didn't mean that he should just offer up such personal things like the fact he had kids.

Still, even as that thought raced through his mind he couldn't help but want to share more. The man in front of him was a good guy. A little on the cocky side sometimes, but a good person all around so far. He wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Yes," Deeks replied hoping he wasn't making a huge mistake.

"Maybe when all of this is over with you can bring them to my diner?" Nikolai wrote looking so hopeful, "I would love to met your family. I promise I will not even charge you. Call it a thank you meal."

"That sounds like a plan. I'm sure they'd..."

Before Deeks could finish writing out his sentence he saw something moving our of the corner of his eye. He knew that there were two agents watching the house, but how many times had he seen that go wrong?

Opening he mouth to tell Nikolai to go and hide he found himself face to face with the petrified looking man. His eyes were locked on the space right behind Deeks. He started to move backwards his lips shakily saying 'James'.

Steeling himself for whatever was able to happen Deeks slowly turned around. Comeau was standing in the doorway an already bloody knife gripped tightly in his hand. His eyes stayed on Nikolai as he took a step forward.

Without thinking Deeks moved so he was more between them causing their gaze to break. The bloody mans' eyes were wild as they darted over him. It had been a long time since he had seen someone look so manic.

"Move," Comeau demanded his lips barely forming the words.

"No," Deeks replied hoping he didn't sound as terrified as he felt, "You're done. It's over."

"He is mine. I have loved him for longer than you could ever know. I will not allow someone like you to take him from me!"

Deeks barely had time to think before the man was lashing his knife out with deadly accuracy. He barely jerked back in time to dodge it as he yelled for Nikolai to run. He could only hope that he was listened to as he dodged another attack.

Reaching behind him hoping to find some kind of weapon he grabbed onto the plate of pasta and threw it. While Comeau attempted to get the hot oily pasta out of his eyes Deeks grabbed his wrist hoping to disarm him as quickly as possible.

At the moment he had no idea if the agents were completely down for the count or if they had been able to call for back up. If he let the fight go on for too long there was a very large chance that he wouldn't make it out.

A hand gripped his neck pushing him back until he was half laying on the table. Struggling to get air and keep the knife that was moving precariously between them Deeks locked his legs around Comeau digging his heels into his thighs as hard as he could before using all of his strength to send them both flying to the floor.

Tears filled his eyes as pain radiated from his knees, but he pushed it down knowing there was no time to stop. Sitting up as best he could he lifted his arm preparing to throw a punch only to have Comeau beat him to hit.

Falling backwards his head struck against the edge of the table causing him to lose focus for a moment. He could feel the other man push him off and move, but he couldn't get his eyes focused enough to see what he was doing.

It wasn't until a hand twisted in his hair and pulled his face up that he finally was able to look at the man standing over him. Deeks tried to think of a way to get out of the situation, but his brain wasn't moving quickly enough.

Ocean blue eyes closed on their own accord not wanting to see what was about to come. His mind raced with images of Isabelle, Wesley, and Callen. He hoped they didn't hate him for too long for not being there anymore.

Deeks had no idea how much time has passed as he waited for the next strike to come. It never did though. Instead the hand wrapped in his hair fell away causing him to crumble to the ground once more.

Opening his eyes he saw Comeau kneeling on the ground his eyes wide with pain and confusion. Then he fell forward revealing a knife sticking out of his back and a horrified Nikolai standing there with tears streaming down his face.

Reaching out to the body Deeks quickly felt for a pulse not knowing what would be better to find in that moment. When he felt nothing he moved away again and looked over at Nikolai wondering what he was supposed to say.

He barely had his mouth open before the man was falling to his knees crying over everything that he had just lost. Ignoring the pain throughout his body Deeks moved to his side and pulled him into a hug knowing that he needed to not feel as alone as he did.

Staring at the dead body in front of him Deeks let his own tears begin to slip down his face. He had no idea what he was supposed to be feeling, but at the moment the only thing he wanted to do was go home and tell his family how much he loved them.


	14. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not an easy chapter to write, but I am happy with how it turned out. Also, this is happening at the same time as the last chapter. Only one chapter left!
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Pulling his car to the side of the street Callen forced himself to take a deep breath doing his best to ignore the dread that was filling him. He had just gotten to the location where Nell was hopefully being held and he already felt as if things had gone wrong.

Once upon a time he trusted his gut and everything that came with it. He could wake up and know what type of day he was going to have. Which was probably not the best way to tell how things were going to go for him and the team, but it worked in his mind.

Ever since he retired though that had seemed to go away to a degree. Yes, he could still figure out if he was going to be having a good or bad day, but all the senses that he had honed when working undercover were much more muted than they used to be. Something that, surprisingly enough, didn't affect his day to day life.

When it came down to it both he and Deeks trained just like they used to so they had the fighting skills if anyone ever came after them. What he had slowly been figuring it out since they came back was that fighting, while important, was down on the list of things they needed to do.

A lot of work that they did was done in their minds. They had to read situations and rooms faster than anyone else so they could be on top of the situation before it snowballed out of anyone's control and got someone hurt.

In a way that was something that he still did when it came to Isabelle and Wesley. If they woke up or came home in a bad mood than he had to be there trying to stop it before all involved got hurt. He could not take his kids being hurt. Especially if they cried.

Outside of situations like that he had lost those skills. He knew that the reason they worked in a team the way they did was because each of them saw the world differently, but he still hated how many things he missed.

He had spent an hour in the same room as Graham trying to get him to talk and the idea that the man had been in an abusive relationship never even crossed his mind. Looking back on it now he realized just how obvious it was.

Or maybe it wasn't obvious at all. He felt as if he was missing things that he never would have when he was an agent. How the hell was he supposed to be able to do his job if he couldn't see the things right in front of him?

The was the problem though. It wasn't his job anymore. He wasn't an agent; he was a father. He knew that it wasn't right of him to do, but even after all these years his mind went to trying to be an agent first.

Now that he was in a situation where he needed to be an agent all of the knowledge he thought he had was gone. That was what his job had been. The team leader was meant to be able to think quicker than the others on the off chance he had to get them out of danger.

He was so used to being a good agent and having a plan for everything that came their way. It might take him a minute but he knew that he could do anything as long as he had time to think. That was just the way his mind worked.

At the moment though the last thing that he could do was think. Or he couldn't think of the case. All that was running through his head was his family. He'd give anything to be able to go home with Deeks and be with their kids.

Which was just something else for him to feel guilty about. Nell needed all of them to be there for her and yet his mind was wondering. He should not be so used to feeling as if he was failing his loved ones. He also should not be there at all.

That pained him to say. He had thought that he was always going to be an agent. It didn't matter that he had been out of the game for three years. He knew his job and he had loved it. He should have known that that didn't mean he'd be able to come and go whenever he pleased.

It was naive now that he thought about it. Of course he couldn't just pick up being an agent again. It was like any other skill. If he didn't practice it than he wasn't going to be able to do it the next time he needed to use it. Not that it felt like they needed him anymore.

Which, the longer he thought about it, should have been a good thing. The team was supposed to be able to function as a full unit without him. If they didn't than he had done a terrible job being their team leader.

Looking out of the window though he saw Sam, Kensi, and Turk getting geared up to go get Nell back and he was filled with pride. He might not know Turk all that well just yet, but they were his family and he knew that together they could do anything. He also knew that they didn't need him to be there anymore.

He and Deeks were brought in because of the fact that they were a part of the family. They weren't completely needed though. If they hadn't been able to come in for whatever reason the people in front of him would have been able to figure it out.

That was good because he knew that neither he or his husband would do this again. It was too much for the both of them. They weren't agents anymore and it was time for them to stop thinking about their lives like that.

Still that couldn't start until they had Nell back. Which meant that it was time for him to push all of the thoughts that were swirling in his head down and climb out of the car. Actually, based off the looks he was getting from Sam, it was past time.

"Anything new?" Callen questioned opening the door and getting out.

"No," Kensi supplied handing him his vest, "Eric says that according to street cams Comeau hasn't been all day. He also didn't come around yesterday."

"Does he know last time he came?" Turk asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"No idea. Either Nell's not in there or she's been in there alone for more than 24 hours."

Clenching his jaw Callen pulled his gun out of his holster while his mind ran through all the things that they could be running into in there. At least it tried to. For the most apart all he could see was Nell's rotting body waiting for them.

"We don't know what we're walking into," Sam spoke up, "While we doubt that there's anyone else in there we have to prepared for tripwires and things like that. The apartment is one the second floor. Kensi, you and Turk go up the fire escape. Make sure no one tries to get out. Callen, you're with me."

Looking over at Sam Callen had to admire the way he took control. It wasn't the first time he had seen it by any means, but he felt better than he had seeing it. Knowing that Sam was a great team leader lifted a weight he hadn't known had been there.

With a nod of their heads the two teams went their different ways with their plan in order. Callen was hyper-vigilant as they went to the front door knowing that at any point in time the calm could end.

"Do you think she's here?" Callen questioned voicing his concern for the situation for the first time.

"I hope so," Sam offered softly, "I really don't want to think about what would happen if she wasn't."

Nodding his head in agreement the duo fell silent as they came up to the door. They pressed as close as they dared attempting to hear if someone was there, but they couldn't hear a single sound from inside.

With his heart in his stomach Callen took a step back letting Sam pick the lock so they could go in. Rushing in his eyes darted over the room as quickly as he could trying to take everything in. It looked completely abandoned.

"Nell!" Kensi suddenly yelled causing both men to look at each other before taking off deeper into the apartment.

Callen's heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest as they moved. He had no idea what he was going to see when they got in, but he knew for a fact that it wasn't going to be anything good.

As they rushed into the room Callen vaguely heard Turk telling Eric that they needed a bus. All he could truly focus on though was the woman standing on her tip toes on top of a chair struggling to keep from losing balance and having the rope around her throat take her weight.

Dropping his gun down he quickly rushed over to help Kensi hold Nell's weight as Sam cut her down. He could feel tears dripping down his face, but they didn't matter all that much to him in that moment.

All that mattered was the almost dead weight he took as Nell was finally released. Slowly letting them both fall to the floor he let her curl into his arms her fingers weakly trying to hold onto him.

"We got you," Callen muttered brushing a kiss against her crown, "You're safe, Nell. We got you. You're safe."

Clenching his eyes shut Callen was suddenly hit with how similar it felt when he cradled Isabelle. She and Nell were practically the same size and weight. It took all of his control not to hurl at that thought alone.

"You're safe," he repeating to both Nell and Isabelle, "You're safe."


	15. Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter of 'Peaceful Family' is here! It took me forever and I hate that, but it's finally time to see how this part comes to an end. Don't worry I'm not done with this family by a long shot, but for now I'm going to be working on other things. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!
> 
> TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Leaning against the wall outside of Wesley's room Deeks closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face wiping away the last of the tears that had fallen. He hadn't known what to expect when he got home that morning, but having both of his children hang off of him like he had been gone for years was not it.

A part of him had expected something like that from his son. He felt so deeply sometimes that it was worrying. Deeks worried day after day what the world was going to do to his little boy if someone wasn't there to protect him. Wesley always had a way of surprising him though. He was so much stronger than anyone gave him credit for.

What he wasn't expecting was for Isabelle to be just as attached to him. She was the independent one. It took a long time to convince her that coming to one of them or anyone when she needed help was the right thing to do.

For most of the day he was on the couch with his children on either side of him leaning against him in a way that didn't aggravate his bruises. They didn't do anything other than eat some pizza and watch movies, but it was nice.

At least for the most part it was. It wasn't as if he didn't want to see his kids, especially when they obviously were worried about him, but at the moment he didn't want to be around them. He didn't want to be around anyone really.

Everything just felt like it was too much at the moment. Even with the fact that he couldn't hear anything the world felt as if it was bearing down on him trying to bury him alive. He wanted nothing more than to hide under a blanket and never come out.

Taking in a breath he felt his chest shake once more. The last thing he wanted to do was start to cry again, but he could already feel the tears gather in his eyes once more. He hated how much he had cried so far.

Feeling a hand rest on his shoulder Deeks jerked his head up and saw Callen standing there. The older man looked so lost and worried. Everything in Deeks wanted to comfort him, but instead he found himself falling into his arms burying his face in the mans chest trying not to cry too loudly.

Strong arms wrapped around him almost painfully tight before starting to lead him down the hallway and into their room. For a moment he was slowly pushed backwards until he was sitting on the edge of the bed and Callen was kneeling in front of him.

A calloused hand came up to cup the side of his face a thumb wiping away some tears before Callen leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Letting his eyes fall shut once more he licked at his lips as the man pulled back once more.

"Sunshine?" Callen signed staring at him, "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Please," Deeks replied back feeling close to breaking, "Don't."

"Deeks?"

"I can't do this right now, Callen. I can't fake that everything is fine."

"Then don't. Talk to me, Deeks."

Blinking a few times Deeks stared at his husband for a moment not knowing what to do. There were so many things that he wanted to say to the man, but he had been keeping all of those thoughts to himself for so long that he didn't know if he wanted to say them anymore.

With a shaky hand he ran his fingers through his hair trying to figure out a way to express any of what he wanted to. After everything that had been said over the last few days he should have been able to say something.

If he was truthful though the only thing that he was feeling was dread. He didn't want to face any of what he knew they had to. It was stupid and childish, but all he wanted was to go back to the way things were.

It wasn't as if he didn't know that that was the last thing that they should be doing. He knew that there was no way to fix the problems that had just gotten worse over the years, but he… He didn't want to face what had happened to them.

Everything that had happened lately had thrown all that he knew about their relationship up in the air. No matter how hard he tried to found himself questioning every little thing that he had thought he knew about them.

Well, almost everything. There was one thing that he knew in his very soul that he never thought to wonder about. Callen loved him just as much as he loved his husband. That had never and, hopefully, will never change.

The problem with having that knowledge though was the fact that they knew that a change had to be made. They also had to decide if what they felt for each other was worth trying to unload all the baggage that had been building up.

It wasn't as if that was the first time that he had ever pointed out to himself that there was an issue. He knew it just as well as Callen did. There was no other option at that point other than to talk about it, but that was easier said than done.

Deeks heart felt like breaking at even the thought of losing his husband, but at the same time he knew that if they decided it was for the best he'd have to let the man go. It wasn't that he wanted to lose him; he simply wanted the man to be happy. Whatever that meant for him.

That wasn't to say that when push came to shove he wouldn't fight for the man and their relationship. If there was anything at all that he could do to keep their marriage intact than that was exactly what he was going to do.

With that thought in mind he forced himself to take a deep breath and look up at his husband. The sky blue eyes were filled with worry and… fear. Callen was as scared about the conversation they were about to have as he was.

"I'm scared," Deeks signed not looking away from his husband.

"Of what?"

"Losing you. Breaking up our family."

"That would never happen."

"Really? Can you really look me in the eye and say that we aren't headed that way? G, I love you with everything that I am, but look at us. Look at our relationship. What the hell are we even doing?"

"We're trying. I don't- You're right. I can't say that I know what's going to happen with us, but I love you too, Marty. The only thing I love more than you are our kids. I'm not just giving up on our family."

"I don't want to give up either, but..."

"No."

"We have to be realistic, Callen. If we aren't now than all we're going to do is cause more pain in the future. I don't want to do that to you."

Callen looked as if he was about to argue more, but instead he dropped his head down so it was resting on Deeks knees. He could feel how shaky the man was as he tried to get a hold on whatever it was that was running through his mind.

Deeks hated the fact that he was the one making Callen act like that, but he couldn't take back what he said. They had spent so much of their time not talking about things they both knew needed to be talked about. They had to stop.

"Callen," Deeks muttered resting a hand on the back of his neck and kneading at the tense muscles, "I'm sorry. I just… What happens if we keep going on the way we are? How long is it going to be before we lose it altogether and we start to hate each other? I can't… I can't do that to us."

Slowly lifting his head Callen stared up at Deeks for a moment before leaning up and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. It was barely more than a brush of the lips, but he felt himself melt at the innocent touch.

"I can't think of anything that would be worse than losing you," Callen signed staring up at him.

"I know," Deeks replied before shaking his head, "It's been a long time since we did this though. We don't talk anymore."

"No, we don't. Do you remember when we used to go down to the beach after a hard case?"

"We'd sit in the sand and spend hours talking about anything but what just happened."

"You always brought some kind of disgusting smoothie with you for us to share."

"You loved the smoothies!"

"I loved you."

Staring at the older man Deeks felt the smile that had slowly been creeping onto his face fall off. It was such a sweet memory that they shared, but thinking about it made everything that had been happening all the more real.

"I'm sorry," Callen offered after a moment.

"For what?" Deeks questioned confused.

"I wasn't there for you."

"Callen-"

"No, let me say it. Please. I wasn't there for you by any means and now that I'm here I feel like I'm failing you and the kids. No matter what I do I'm in the wrong. Every second of every day I feel like I don't belong anymore."

Seeing the sadness in his husbands eyes Deeks felt his heart breaking. He had never imagined that Callen might feel that way. He hadn't actually given much thought to what it must feel like to come in and out of their lives as often as he did.

"G," Deeks started his eyes darting over his face, "I didn't… Why didn't you tell me you felt that way?"

"I didn't want to put anymore on your shoulders than you already had."

"Callen-"

"I know. You're not fragile and I don't have to take care of you."

"That's not what I was going to say. Callen, we're supposed to be partners in this. Not working towards the same goal alone. We're supposed to work together."

"I know. I'm bad at remembering that though."

"You're not the only one. I knew that I needed help when Isabelle was born. I knew I needed help when we brought Wesley home. I just never said anything."

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't want you to think that I was less than I had been before. I didn't want you to realize just how much had changed with my hearing gone."

Callen stared at Deeks for a moment before he started to chuckle. A moment later he found himself doing the same thing. They had been on the same boat the entire time, but both of them were just too damn proud to do anything about it.

"We're idiots," Callen offered.

"I'm not going to argue with that," Deeks responded smiling slightly himself.

"Good. Because I don't think knowing that changes anything."

"What do you think we do then?"

"Go back in time?"

Deeks shook his head once more at the other man. It felt as if the weight that had been trying to crush them was lifted a little. It was still there and he knew that there was still a lot of work that had to be done, but he felt better than it had before.

"You know I love you right, Deeks?" Callen questioned smiling gently.

"Of course," Deeks instantly replied, "I love you too. With all of my heart."

Smiling softly Callen moved without thought leaning forwards and kissing his husband gently. Deeks placed a hand on the side of his face and held him close as they kissed. No matter how long it had been that still made him feel somehow both weaker and stronger.

"I love you," Callen repeated his lips brushing against Deeks before he pulled back so he could sign, "I think we might have to start over."

"Start over?" Deeks questioned confused, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm not the man I used to be. If anything working on this case showed me is that. Do you think you're the same person?"

"No, not even close. We're supposed to grow though. Right?"

"Of course. That's what's supposed to happen, but we stopped getting to know the people we grew to be. We can't go on the way we are if we don't know each other anymore."

Deeks cocked his head to the side at that explanation. It made a lot of sense and he had wondered about it a lot himself. For the first time in a long time he felt as if the two of them were on the same page. It felt like it did when they had started their relationship.

"How do we do this?" Deeks asked licking his lips.

"Well, Kensi's going to be coming over soon to take the kids for a few days," Callen announced before standing up, "What do you say? Will you go on a date with me?"

"Depends. Can we get tacos?"

"Sure. Anything you want. As long as it's not those peanut butter, banana, marshmallow ones."

"Fine. If we don't have to go to that with the jazz musician that… Wait, that was me again."


End file.
